Very Average Jeremy

Introducing JeremyKid.com

2010-11-21T19:00:00.004+08:00

I've decided that I've done enough talking, and need to do more doing.

So I've started a little something. Something I should've started a long time ago. This, is JeremyKid.com

It is my stab at superstardom. Or failing that, stardom. Or failing that, something that resembles what you would call a career.

As you would've read from my previous post,
I love photography. It is inevitable that I do. I have loved it since before I even knew that one could make money out of it (other than to take passport photos at your local photo developing studio).

And now, I love it so much that I've decided to make something out of it. If I could.

You see, it is really easy to just talk. By that, I mean criticizing someone else's work. Or saying something like "I could do that too, what's so great?"

I am guilty of doing it all the time.

I'm not sure if it's just me who has this sort of competitiveness within me, but as I grow older, I understand that it's to do with ego.

That's right, put it in a good way, it is competitiveness, meaning that you have the will to succeed. Not so good way? I'm a freaking jerk who doesn't know to appreciate the effort that goes into a piece of work.

It couldn't be more obviously pointed out to me the other day.

I went for the Myer Annual General Meeting (AGM) the other day. Besides being really excited that I could meet Jennifer Hawkins (no, I didn't - she wasn't there), I thought the whole AGM was rather flashy and entertaining. And this is compared to the last one I went to which was for Asciano.

After coming back from the meeting, I pointed out the beautiful cover of the Myer 2010 Annual Report to my GM of Marketing. It has this simple, graphical black and white photo of the store front.

GM remarked that it's really beautifully shot, and that it must be hard to get that shot. And then I said, "Yeah, it's beautiful, but not that hard."

Uh-oh. I realised I was being a smart arse already.

GM raised his brow, and said, "Ah, not hard eh? I'm gonna give you hundred bucks if you could get this shot, or something better than that."

No worries, I think I could just be able to.

That is, until I walked to Myer that evening and checked out how I could get that shot.

If you realise, the shot was taken from a higher angle. Which means I had to get to a higher building opposite Myer to get that shot. When I looked at what buildings I could use, I saw only one which was possible. The rest were all two-level shoplots. Only this one had 5 levels.

Shit.

If I were to really get that shot, I will need to get permission from the building owners, and I will need to set up at night, and try to capture a shot where there were lights coming out from inside. And the windows better be free of any decorations now because they just opened the atrium. The photographer probably got the shot when it was empty before they opened it. SO the end effect is simple and beautiful.

This really taught me a lesson to learn to appreciate an artists work. Be they photographers, visual artists, painters, whatever.

And not to be a smart arse.

Another thing for anyone to ask themselves before criticizing anyone's work is, "Would you have thought of shooting it like that, too? If you think you do, what do you have to show for it?"

If the answer was "No" and "Nothing", then you'd better be shutting your face.

Anyway, I do hope you'll enjoy some of my work I put up at my new website. Do leave a comment there so I'll know that at least someone is reading it. Lol.

I wish someone told me this, too.

2010-11-01T18:14:00.022+08:00

I remember being really fascinated with my dad's old mechanical rangefinder. I must have been five or something. Perhaps it has to do with being a boy after all, cause I remember that I kept on cocking the shutter and firing it over and over again, studying the mechanics of each and every part of the camera.

Robert Capa, The Falling Soldier

Sometimes I'm looking into the viewfinder, playing pretend that I was taking a snapshot of something, anything, as I whiled away those long lazy weekday afternoons in my grandma's house in Taman Midah. (Because it's a rangefinder, it had a lens which focuses - how fascinating!)

Sometimes I'm peering right into the lens from the front, trying to see what happened when I fired the shutter. And more often than not, I opened the back of the camera to see how it all works, poking my little fingers here, there, everywhere there're moving parts. I would wiggle my finger into the centre of the shutter and let the diaphragms of the shutter close on it! (Gasp! - if Dad knew, he'd kill me.)

Henri Cartier Bresson, Behind the Gare St. Lazare

At the end of its life, I remember the cheap orange plastic cover on the shutter was well-worn to the point that you're actually just pressing a piece of metal the width of a clip. But hey, at least it was well worth its weight in gold having provided a five-year old with countless hours of wonder, eh?

My fascination didn't end there. Many a times I found myself behind a point-and-shoot camera, entrusted by the adults in the room (or whole dinner banquets) to be the photographer. Many a times, I've climbed up onto chairs or slid down onto the floor to "cover a shot". Many a times, I've been asked to help load up a new roll of film.

And I often wondered to myself then -

What was so difficult about taking a picture?

How come the adults can't just seem to grasp the simple concept of holding it still, and peering into the viewfinder, examining each side and corners to see what you're covering to compose?

Don't they know that you should actually press the shutter down halfway first to focus, even on a cheap point-and-shoot?

And what was so hard about loading a roll of film?"

Perhaps I've got a bit of a talent for it (or I thought I did anyway). Nevertheless, I didn't pursue this passion any further until we had photography classes during my college years. With the transition to digital cameras then (a whopping 1.6 megapixels!), film cameras were on the brink of getting obsolete.

Much like what still happens to amateurs all over the world today, a friend who bought an SLR (and didn't spend little on it) lost interest and wanted to get rid of it to buy a compact digicam. So for a mere RM500, I got myself a beginner's film SLR. A Canon 500N, if I remember correctly.

And I then found myself being able to do what the 'pros' do - shallow depth of field. I would make shallow depth of field in every picture. Even when the picture doesn't justify it. Even when you needed more details in the background. Even on boring subjects like a stick of Chapstick on a table smack right in the middle of the picture.

It was so bad, my own pictures bore me.

I thought I had talent. Surely, with an SLR, I should be getting better? Yet, I was worse off.

And it couldn't get more obvious when I had a chance to go to HK back in my uni days. I snapped away a few rolls of film. When I had them developed, nothing stood out. Nothing.

Sure, there was a pic of the HK night lights with long exposure taken with a tripod which wasn't too bad. But you could just as well bought a postcard shot by a pro which looks at least 10 times more amazing.

"So what was the point then?" I asked myself. I don't have the money for the equipment that the pros use, so how could I ever be as good?

And so I gave up. The SLR was relegated to back of a cupboard.

What opened my eyes later when I got to join a photography class as an elective in the final semester at RMIT.

They didn't teach me how to use a camera. They didn't talk much about apertures and shutter speeds. Didn't bring up anything about lenses or f-stops either.

Instead, we were taught about Henri Cartier Bresson. Robert Capa. Ansel Adams. Arnold Newman. Dorothea Lange. Martin Munkacsi.

Arnold Newman, Igor Stravinski

Dorothea Lange, Migrant Woman

Martin Munkacsi, Three Boys at Lake Tanganyika

If you fail to appreciate great photos, how would you know if you had taken a good one?

You see, photography isn't about shallow depth of fields. Or the sharpness of a picture. Or what is currently now very trendy, lo-fi, overly blue/green/yellow colours.

Photography is a form of visual art. And as with art, it should have a purpose. And that purpose is to be conveyed within that 4 x 6 inch box (or whatever formats you're shooting in).

Is it to evoke a certain feeling? Is there a story about the person that you're telling? It is to awe your viewer with beauty? Is it to surprise with a point of view never before imagined? Is it to capture a moment for eternity, in Bresson's words - "the decisive moment''?

Pay attention to the form in your picture. To the lines and textures you're capturing. To the balance of objects within that 2D image. Note your framing. What are you leaving out of the picture? What are you leaving in? How "interesting" in this story you're about to capture? (Aptly, Flickr features photos based on "interestingness".)

That is why Bresson calls it "the decisive moment". Because in that one small instant when you release the shutter, you're making an informed decision about all these things in your mind.

If you're not thinking about all these things, you're just, in Ken Rockwell's words, "spraying and praying" - i.e. hoping for Lady Luck to be on your side and strike out with a somewhat good picture.

The camera is just the means to an end. It merely helps you create a great picture. It is never about the latest dSLR or the most expensive lenses (Bresson shot with one Leica all his life just because it was small enough for his purpose.)

I'm not saying that after I knew all this, I became a really good photographer. I'm saying that it is because I didn't know all this, that my interest in photography plateaued. Just like a lot of amateurs whose interest fizzle out and then leave their expensive SLRs to rot behind the cupboard.

I didn't get as good as I wish to be or I know I could be, and that's what frustrates me. I've quit once before because I didn't want to settle for mediocrity.

"Very Average Jeremy". Not too bad, but never great. Merely average.

Life's too short to spend it not trying to achieve greatness, don't you think?

So what would it take to become a great photographer?

-----------------------------------------

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple of years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And you taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get pass this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It's gonna take a while. It's normal to take a while. You've just gotta fight your way through."

Ira Glass (via Rabbit Write's interview on Gala Darling)

Via Fancy Lady Flair.

Smoking – A message to my little sister.

2010-08-07T11:01:00.002+08:00

1) It's not cool if everyone else is doing it. Cos it means you're just like everyone else?

2) It's even less cool if everyone else/your friends are not doing it, and you're the only dumb one to be inhaling smoke/CO2 into your lungs.

3) It takes 15 years for your lungs to get back to the condition it was before you start smoking. FIFTEEN years.

4) If you take up smoking, you WILL get addicted. That's just what nicotine does. Simple fact.

5) It is really pathetic when you're addicted, because then, you are controlled by a stick of dried leaves. That's basically what a cigarette is. A stick of dried leaves.

6) That said, did you realise that smokers always say, "Oh my god, I NEED a cigarette right now..." or "MUST smoke right now...!"? Erm... so you can't even stand not to smoke for a few hours? And a stick of dried leaves controls you? Sounds pathetic to me.

7) Ever noticed that after you smoke, your heart beats much faster? Another simple fact: smoking causes heart disease.

8) Yellow teeth. Can you imagine being embarrassed to smile sometime in the future?

9) You always have to be conscious of your breath, careful not to be talking too close to someone's face. Cos it stinks. And you know it.

10) Your fingers stink. And it's hard to wash off the smell, even when you try to use fragranced hand soaps. If you think about it, your fingers aren't even inhaling the smoke, merely holding the cigarette. Imagine what's in your lungs?

11) You might not realise it, but after a smoke when you walk into a room, EVERYONE else in the room smells your stink.

12) Bad skin. Skin looks dull and lifeless when you smoke.

13) Can't get more obvious when you ask a smoker to run for 10, no, even 5 minutes. Imagine if you need to run for 50 metres just to catch a bus and can't even catch your breath afterwards. Imagine not being able to enjoy the simple joy of exercising.

14) Smoking doesn't release stress. Your heart beats faster after smoking, how does that release stress?

15) Worst is when I see couples smoking. Cause I know they're thinking that just because they both smoke, it's an activity they can share in and thus, be more Acceptable to each other. But if you really love someone, don't you want to spend a longer life with him/her?

I could keep going. And I haven't even gone into the details of the various chemicals you inhale and the list of diseases linked to smoking. I don't have to because if you wanted to find out, you have the internet.

I just want you to know that I do not wish for my little sister to pick up a habit that changes who she really is. Because I believe that people shouldn't grow up to be someone else. But grow up to be better versions of themselves. And you are better than those who succumb to peer pressure/boyfriend pressure in order to fit in.

I have always believed that you are smart beyond your years, with the capacity to think for yourself much better than I did at your age. I still do. And I have absolute confidence in your ability to make the right choice for yourself.

Love
Ko

The Year in Retrosoundspect

2010-01-06T21:03:00.024+08:00

I don't know about you, but sometimes when I'm walking on the street and some familiar scent wafts by and tickles the millions of sensory nerves in my nose (the ones that survived the 2-3 years of constant poisoning anyway), it can evoke a flood of nostalgic feelings.

Sometimes, it makes me think of a certain person. Like how a certain pungent, bitterish perfume reminds me of my Hongkie ex-girlfriend and the time spent at her apartment on Market Place that overlooks the Yarra River and Crown Casino. Sometimes, I could relate it back to a VERY specific memory. KLCC has a special scent that reminds me of alighting from the LRT when I was 16, putting my hand on the waist of my first girlfriend as I stood behind her, staring down at her brown loafers, then her long, slim legs, and (but of course) her cute ass clad in navy blue short pants. Sometimes, it is just a general hazy feeling. For example, a scent might just make me happy for no definable, specific reason, unrelated to whatever current situation I am in.

Music does the same to me. Like how “Baby can I hold you tonight” (the Boyzone version, hey it was the nineties) reminds me of first love because my first girlfriend gave me that singles CD. Its case was slimline, unlike the usual covers, and contained in it was the CD with the most beautiful pastel-ly, baby blue colour design. I even remember that at four corners of the case surrounding the CD was cut-out pinkish-red, reflective little hearts, stuck on with folded over cellophane tapes.

“I’ll be missing you” by P. Diddy brings me back to the exact moment on the beach during my first Perhentian trip with SW, Jasmine, and Ex Gf. It was after dinner, and we were just sitting on the lazy chairs, gazing out to the sea, sometimes at the stars. I remember the slightly cool powder sand between my toes, so comfortable that I just kept burrowing my feet in it. And Ex Gf played this song on her phone’s speakers. I remember feeling really glad to be in that moment, albeit tinged with slight sadness that we had to leave the next day. Funny how things turn out just a few years down the road as both couples are not together anymore.

And one of the first memorable moments inextricably linked to “A Beautiful Mess” by Jason Mraz is that car ride back to the McCann office after lunch with a colleague asleep in the backseat, and another beside me telling me about leaving back to her hometown. I remember sending her an sms about her “wardrobe” that night, hoping that she wouldn’t. In the car, I remember turning up the volume, us not talking but just listening, and at the end of the song how she remarked with an almost sigh of joy, “I love this song.” “Me too,” I replied.

The thing is, to me, these sensory triggers mark time. It’s like a time machine that lets me travel to the past and relive those memories. I might have to think hard if you ask me what I had for dinner yesterday. I might not remember to get some milk even if you just called me ten minutes ago reminding me to. But those memories and how I felt EXACTLY in those moments of my life I will never forget.

Like what I tried to do in the last few paragraphs, it is actually difficult to really express and explain how I felt. There’s only so much you can “get me”, no matter how close a friend you are, or how empathetic you can be. I think that perhaps by sharing with you those very same sensory triggers, you can “get me” just that little bit more. A bridge between souls, if you like. And since I can’t send you scents, here’s a list of tunes that marked the highs and lows of 2009 for me, in (somewhat) chronological order.

Song: Stay
Artist: Estrella
Album: Estrella

This was before I left for Melbourne, having just quit my job and serving my resignation notice till the end of January 2009. It was a time of mixed feelings; one part excitement, two parts worry, the rest – well, I didn’t know what to feel. There was a lot of running around back to McCann to settle my outstanding pay, to the tax office to submit tax returns, and to the shops to get everything I need before I go. Next thing I know, I was on an Air Asia flight to Melbourne. I could swear to you that even as I was sitting in the plane, I couldn’t believe what was happening. It all seemed surreal. The change from the many late nights at Wisma LYL and weekends mostly at One U or Sg Wang, to that very moment in the flight where I had to eat the International Meal which I pre-ordered (sucked big time).

Song: Viva la Vida
Artist: Coldplay
Album: Viva la Vida

Melbourne has a distinctive scent, too. It is a very fresh scent. Maybe it’s the eucalyptus, or it’s just Melbourne Airport’s fragrance system, but I can smell it once I touched down even as I’m going through the immigration (and every season’s distinctly different!). It was great to be back. Sure, I missed my family and friends. But right then, I was looking forward to starting afresh. To the bells of Viva la Vida, I felt pumped, ready to conquer the world.

And so I settled down. Nothing much seemed to have changed. Aunt’s house is almost exactly the same. And the shop’s signboards too, albeit a bit discoloured because of the harsh Australian sun. I took my time to meet friends who are here, being in no hurry at all. I seemed contented to just stay at home everyday, wake up late at around 11 plus, have a Nutella on toast brekkie with coffee, watch the Ellen DeGeneres Show, and just chill. It was like a long-needed holiday after all the very stressful, very late nights at McCann. My body, previously always fatigued was revitalized. I felt healthier. My skin improved dramatically thanks to the amount and quality of sleep I was getting. And maybe it was the food too as I wasn’t eating out at all anymore.

I took it so easy - I didn’t even start looking for a job. But I was cocky then. I thought people’d clamour for me. That once I applied, I’d get one. “Besides,” I thought to myself, “I’ve lined up a meeting with the ECD of McCann here. For sure I’d get it.” Or so I thought. Little did I know that the Global Financial Crisis which hit the US in October 2008 was just about to affect everywhere else around the world.

Then during the end of February, grandma, who was already very sick with cancer before I left, became terminal. We all went back just to see her. To be honest, I wasn’t really sad. I was glad that her suffering came to an end. Throughout the funeral, I reminisced the times I grew up with my group of cousins in her house under her care, and we laughed, remembering what a feisty grandma she was and the little nuances that made us love her more.

Song: Human
Artist: The Killers
Album: Day & Age

Upon landing back in Melbourne, I saw a billboard that read “Always look on the Mr Brightside. Virgin Atlantic.” I remember thinking to myself, “That’s such a bad line. I know they’re trying to relate to the fact that they’re sponsoring The Killer’s upcoming concert here through one of The Killer’s best song ever. But the line doesn’t make sense at all.” A copywriter at heart, still.

I didn’t go for their concert. Dammit. It is something I’ll be kicking myself throughout the year for missing. And why did I miss it? Cause I’ve already bought tickets to Coldplay, so seeing as I was part of the “unemployed” statistics, I knew I shouldn’t be spending too much.

And that brings us to March – COLDPLAY in concert!

Song: Glass of Water
Artist: Coldplay
Album: Prospekt's March (EP)

I remember waiting at the gate since 4pm, and the gates only opened at half past six. I remember running in with Steve to secure a nice spot in the mosh (ended up in the second row from the front!). I remember the ecstasy when they played Glass of Water and Viva la Vida. I remember the hundreds of thousands of neon paper butterflies raining down from above as UV lights shined upon them while Chris Martin sang “Lovers in Japan”. I remember picking a few up, stuffing them in my back pocket, and surprising myself in the first person I thought of sending them back home to. (P.S. - I ended up not doing it. The butterflies are still in between the pages of a George Orwell.)

Song: Knocked Up
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Because Of The Times

You know about the Renaissance Period? The Revolution? This, next up, is my Kings of Leon period. I felt invigorated, buzzing with creative energy, care-free in spirit. I felt that at last, I could do what I wanted to – leave advertising. That I could now learn something other than what I’ve been doing for the past few years, something that would give me greater satisfaction, more money, a more balanced life. Something that would require me to acquire skills which people would pay a lot more for when I’m fifty. Something to take me on an entirely different direction, a new adventure.

I could take up cooking, and start up my restaurant in the future. Why not be a graphic designer? I always knew that I have the eye for it although I lack the necessary technical skills. How bout a photographer? (P.S. The LX3 was one of the best decisions in my life.) I’d love to learn interior design, too. So many a nights when I was browsing through Apartment Therapy, Kings of Leon were plugged into my ear.

I felt liberated. And the finest rock and roll was the soundtrack of my life.

Song: Slow Night, So Long

Artist: Kings of Leon

Album: Aha Shake Heartbreak

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnZmWE8JG3M
Song: The Bucket
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Aha Shake Heartbreak

Song: Taper Jean Girl
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Aha Shake Heartbreak

Song: Manhattan
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Only By The Night

In keeping with the free spirit, I was also going out on my own little adventures. One time, I went to catch “Synedoche New York”, Charlie Kaufman’s directorial debut, alone at The Nova. It was then that I saw the trailer to “Where The Wild Things Are”. And this is the song used in the trailer. I was looking forward to that movie since then.

Song: Wake Up
Artist: Arcade Fire
Album: Funeral

And then this happened.

Song: World Spins Madly On
Artist: The Weepies
Album: Say I Am You

I remember bawling my eyes out as I was writing that post. It was really difficult as I tried to put it all down in one post the things that went wrong in a 3-year relationship. Thinking about how everything started so well and subsequently, how it ended up in a sorry state does that to anyone I guess.

Besides that one day, I felt numb most of the time. Many a nights were spent talking and ranting to Honey Bunny about how glad I was in knowing that I made the right decision, that I felt “light” as if a weight is lifted from my shoulders, and quickly on the next day see-sawing back to being frustrated because I do not know if I should have tried harder, or that my decision might come back and haunt me in the future.

That’s why whenever I hear that song, it’d remind me first of the breakup, and then I’d think of Honey Bunny. And how glad I am of how things worked out between us ie. how we became much closer friends.

A few other songs that defined the period of time as I wallowed in self-pity (lol):

Song: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Artist: Death Cab Cutie
Album: Plans

Song: No One's Gonna Love You
Artist: Band of Horses
Album: Cease to Begin

So I was 26, alone, in a “foreign” country. And I was jobless in the middle of a GFC said to be worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s. I kept applying for jobs through Seek, and the templated rejection letters kept filling up my Gmail account. I even created a folder for all the rejection letters. It totaled 123 emails.

Outside of that 123 emails, I did get a few interviews and second interviews here and there. A wedding gown company, Carsales.com.au, some God-forsaken faraway place that sells curtains and blinds, and a hi-fi distributor. I got so good at interviewing that by the time I interviewed at my current company, I was a pro.

Still, it took three interviews for them to decide. And at the same time they offered me a job, I was also offered one by the hi-fi distributor (higher offer!). But I was really happy that I chose to go with my current co. It was one of my goals to get into a financial institution. I wanted to learn about investments, so what better place to do it than at the global office of the biggest share registry company in the world?

And so work started. The office is a fabulous place located beside Studley Park, near Collingwood Children’s Farm. Every day at work, I feel really thankful for the simple things, like being able to just go for a walk in the park after my lunch to breathe in some fresh air and feast my eyes on greeneries and hills as far as the eyes can see. Being able to step out of the office for that 30 minutes, I believe, makes me so much a happier and calmer person at work.

That’s not all, I also walk to catch public transport to get to work and back every day. I thought I’d prefer driving, but really, it is great to be able to exercise and just sit in the train doing my own thing ie. read a book, listen to music rather than to be in a jam. These few artists were on heavy rotation at that period of time. I remember how happy I felt walking to the office on early chilly mornings during late winter, earphones plugged in, in my duffel jacket.

Song: S.A.D. Light
Artist: Glasvegas
Album: Glasvegas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgORQTvbgtw
Song: 12:51
Artist: The Strokes
Album: Room on Fire

Song: Young Adult Friction
Artist: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Album: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Song: Sweet Disposition
Artist: The Temper Trap

Song: Skinny Love
Artist: Bon Iver
Album: For Emma, Forever Ago

Song: This Is Your Life
Artist: The Killers
Album: Day & Age

There’s something about this song. One of those chilly mornings, I remember feeling a sudden uplift as Brendan Flowers sang “Wait for something better, no one behind you, watching your shadows, you gotta be stronger than my story…” I think I just might be getting better.

Song: Arizona
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Because Of The Times

2009 was the year I took running a little more seriously. And by that, I don’t mean that I run the full marathon. It has just become a constant pastime of mine seeing as I don’t get to play futsal every Saturday anymore. I thought Ex Gf was crazy when she first ran a 10k. And then I joined her, and was hooked.

Melbourne is really runner-friendly. You don’t have to watch out for dogs that jump out from behind a corner. There’re dedicated pavements so you don’t get run over by cars. And you can listen to your music without the fear of someone putting a knife to your neck from behind you at any moment. So I was running quite consistently, around twice a week. I charted my running route using an online website, and came to run 11k in sub-1 hour’s time. Most of the time, what I look forward to is the 40-50 minute mark – ecstasy. The release of endorphins - the happy hormones in your brain. That, and every time after I run, a great sense of achievement. Whatever happened in the real world; joblessness, money matters, loneliness, etc. all doesn’t seem to matter. If I can run 11k in sub-1 hour, I can do anything. Or so the motivational thoughts go.

From when the months started getting cooler in autumn as the leaves brown, to chilling winter when I had to run with a jacket on and blow my nose every once in a while (love winter running!) to getting back a bit warmer now in the early summer. Every time I look up when I run, I see hills, trees, birds, the magic hour of dusk, and I feel grateful to be where I am.

Till then, I thought that people who ran the 20k were crazy. That’s until October came when I ran the Half Melbourne Marathon (21k). And I did much better than I expected.

Kings of Leon, all the three albums I have in my little iPod Shuffle are constant running songs. Pumps me up every time.

Unabashedly a Grey’s Anatomy fan, I was very anxious about how Season 6 would start after that cliff-hangery hell of a finale Season 5 episode. Alas, it was in the gossip section in the news that John Doe would die, and Izzie would live. Nevertheless, I love the trailer which Channel 7 did using this song. It showed scenes of doctors using the defibrillator on Izzie. So. Freaking. Heart-wrenchingly. Sad. Emo kau-kau.

Song: Never Say Never
Artist: The Fray
Album: The Fray

Bright red posters, a human body with the head of a vulture; Them Crooker Vultures announced their upcoming concert in March 2010 as rock’s new supergroup debuts with a killer album. It heralded the coming of Summer. When you can satisfy that unexplainable craving to feel some warmth of the sun on your skin. When the day’s loooooong so you can do so much more. When beer’s the choice of beverage on too-hot arvos. When windows are down as you hand surf the wind on a roadtrip to somewhere, anywhere.

Song: Mind Eraser, No Chaser
Artist: Them Crooked Vultures
Album: Them Crooked Vultures

“At 11pm at night, you wanna Be Somebody?” Honey Bunny messaged.
“No, at 11pm at night, I Want You,” I replied.
“Lol. Aww only you would play along with my silly games…”

Just a taste of how silly our conversations go.

Song: I Want You
Artist: Kings of Leon
Album: Only By The Night

One night after work I was quite bored, and so went rummaging in the lounge room for some entertainment. I’ve watched The Phantom of the Opera before (the movie) back when I was a student in Melbourne in 2004, but thought I wouldn’t mind watching it again. This time, it feels different. Warmer. Sweeter. And I found myself wishing for the kind of love that they have. If I were you, I would judge me as being naïve, too, and say “That only happens in the movies lah”. But before you jump to conclusions, listen to the delivery of the song by Emmy and Patrick, how sweetly innocent and intensely beautiful. Listen closely. To the sweepingly romantic melody written by Andrew Lyodd Webber more than 20 years ago. To the lush orchestra as it rises and falls. To the promises between two, and a seemingly simple demand of love.

Song: All I Ask of You
Artists: Emmy Rossum & Patrick Ericksen
Album: Soundtrack from The Phantom of the Opera

Christmas to me has always been about the family. And so I would usually turn down invitations to countdown as I find it not just plain silly, but also meaningless. This year, not being with my family made me miss home. There’s a good side to it though. Christmas in Melbourne, perhaps because it is a western country, is more lively.

By this time, I must tell you, on top of the walking to take public transport to work, after-lunch walks and two times a week running, I was also taking 45 mins - 1 hour evening walks after the sun’s set. Summer nights are a charm as the temperature usually lowers to very comfy 15’C, its cool breeze a welcome relief.

On one particular night, I remember really enjoying the walk as I got to look at a lot of houses with all their Christmas decorations up. It was beautiful seeing the lights flickering in the dark, lighting up signs that read “Santa please stop here”, and mechanical reindeers on rooftops. That night, there happened to also be some kindergarten school Christmas performance which just ended as I was walking past the leaving crowd. Plugged into my ear was this song as I walked past smiling children still excited from the show, accompanied by their parents carrying folding chairs and picnic grub back to their cars. One mom smiled at me as she stopped her kid to let me pass. I smiled back. “Wow… it is Christmas,” I thought to myself.

Song: Starring
Artist: Freelance Whales
Album: Weathervanes

“Breakup handbook”. Apparently that’s what they dub John Mayer’s new album. First listen and I already thought it’s depressing. I mean, come on, you’ve just gotta glance at the song titles – “Heartbreak Warfare”, “Half of My Heart”, “Perfectly Lonely”??? And I didn’t need depressing. So after downloading it, it just sat there for a while. Until one night when I was walking (the music, through my in-ear Sennheisers, is really magic in the stillness of the night), I decided to give it another go.

Song: Who Says
Artist: John Mayer
Album: Battle Studies

And… it wasn’t that depressing after all. I got it all wrong. It wasn’t about how sad you should feel after a breakup. It was, instead, about feeling better, almost with a sense of defiance. About being thankful for things to have happened the way they did because if they didn’t, you wouldn’t be who you are. About being contented to be exactly where you are right now in life. About being happy to be enjoying the company of me, myself and I.

“Who says I can’t get stoned, plan a trip to Japan alone. Doesn’t matter if I even go.”

Damn right, that’s exactly what I’m thinking, Johnny boy. Not the part about Japan. But the yearning for adventures that lets me tell great stories to my children. I guess this last song wraps up the year rather nicely. I am, at the moment, perfectly lonely.

Song: Perfectly Lonely
Artist: John Mayer
Album: Battle Studies

It was a real big year, to say the least. Bad in most parts, but I appreciate 2009 nonetheless. After all, we never find out the true repercussions of current events till much later down the road. To be cliché, it was a real roller coaster ride.

Loss of family. Loss of love. Possible false starts turned dead ends. Frustration from rejections. Crushing of self-esteem/confidence. Joy in finding a budding career. New mates. New adventures. Newfound optimism.

I’ve never really made any new year's resolutions before in my life. Perhaps it’s got to do with getting old, you think? Anyway, I have just this one.

Carpe Diem.

To seize the day. To waste not a single moment. This year, I’m going to be very stingy with my time. Even if it means choosing to reject a social invitation just to stay at home. Or deciding to leave a party before it ends. Or making myself go to bed earlier instead of being cordial on MSN. I owe it to myself to spend my time wisely.

Thank you for making it to the end of this very long post. (Did you think it was time well spent? Lol.) It wasn’t all for nothing though. Here’s what I have for you; If you could read such a long post, you could do anything in 2010. Make it good. :)

Arty-farty Street

2009-12-20T21:38:00.005+08:00

Also known as Brunswick. Where indie-ness rules, and you're 15 points cooler if your parents used to be hippies back in the 70s.

Atomica Cafe. CoffeeMe app rates it 2 1/2 beans ie. You'd-still-be-thinking-about-it-for-weeks-coffee. It is true.

Somewhat Christmassy?

Little Creatures. Beer so good, I'd die for another one. They have so many on tap, I don't know how many times I'll have to die.

Jeremy says...

2009-12-12T19:31:00.004+08:00

This is what you should be listening to. And so you should.

Mind you, I've never bought an album for a very long time. But after listening to just two songs from them which I got my hands on a few months ago, I just HAD to buy their album. (Coming from a true believer of "the Internet" ie. free music, that's saying something.)

Plus, boss gave me a $20 iTunes gift card. I reckon I've put $16.99 of it to best use possible, seeing as they're (still) so obscure that you can't even get the album at the record stores here.

So good. So, so good. Apparently, they're a bunch of buskers in NYC. And I think they're just on the brink of getting famous.

Hope I'll get to catch them doing a live show next year.

It'll be LEGEN-wait for it-DARY!

2009-11-29T20:20:00.002+08:00

NY for NYE 2011/2012. And we'll be there for Christmas and the whole Radio City Christmas Show she-bang too yeah?

So we'll need a list. One which we'll keep adding to till next year.

1. Katz Delicatessen.

You're "it"!

"Remember when Ben & Ade got hitched?"

2009-11-29T13:15:00.010+08:00

When you are single, somehow, you find that you have a lot more time on your hands.

Weekends are spent doing the things you, as a single person, loves. To me, it's visiting the art galleries (for free, of course), or prowling the streets of Melbourne armed with my trusty LX3 (also free). If the weather permits, perhaps a beer with a fish and chips lunch in the spring/summer sun. And I'm happy as a bee with a pot of honey. You didn't have to plan for two. You didn't have to compromise. You just, do. Whatever you want.

And birthdays, well, birthdays are mostly quiet dinners with friends and family. Not that there's anything wrong with that. They are, after all, the constants in your life. There's just no romantic dinner followed by a "big" gift anymore.

But it's okay, you know. Read SW's Top 10 Reasons to Stay Single. I dare say most of it is true. Reason #1 is #1 for a good reason.

--------------------

No.1 - You Learn What You Need From A Relationship

Being single offers one final advantage that doesn’t get talked about much. Couples deny it and single people themselves rarely realize it. But the fact is, being alone is an incredible opportunity to learn about yourself. In fact, I posit that the longer you’re single before getting married, the better off you’ll be, because only single people truly know what makes them happy. Unless you’ve spent years drinking your inhibitions away, putting yourself out there, experiencing the thrill of one-night stands, and coping with the agony of rejection, how can you really know yourself? Playing the field is merely doing due diligence while having a blast to boot. More importantly, what fun is married life if you don’t have any high jinks to reminisce about? Waking up next to your wife every morning must be twice as reassuring after you’ve spent 10 years waking up next to chicks you have had to introduce yourself to.

--------------------

Relationships shouldn't make you a shadow of your previous self. Instead, it should enrich. Make you better. Complement you. Like best friends do. In fact, relationships should all start out as great friendships.

If you could find someone you know you would have a hell of an adventure with, you know you're on to something good. And I didn't mean that figuratively. I meant that literally. Like a real adventure/trip that would be filled with lots of fun (thanks to a same sense of humour), spontaneity, and equal open-mindedness to new experiences. Not to mention the opportunity to see the bad side of each other ie. grumpiness, impatience and yet, can still stand each other.

I'm in no hurry, but I do wish I find that someone, someday. At the meantime, I'll just indulge in feeling envious of couples who found their adventure partner. Couples who become so much more together .

Marshall and Lily from "How I Met Your Mother" is one such couple. (They even have a wedding website!) Fictional, I know. But exemplary of how couplehood should be. At least, unlike what you see in Korean/Hong Kong dramas, the stories they have are more real. In fact, great stories from many adventures are what we all should have.

And my friends Ben and Ade, is another such couple. The kind which you just know that they're just gonna be so good together. The kind of relationship you wish with all your heart that you can have.

I wish you both enough happiness to last a lifetime. And that you'll both have great stories to tell in the future.

I'm glad to have been a part of this special day of yours. And hopefully I'll be in one of those stories that start with "Remember when Ben and Ade got hitched?"

It's not a good day

2009-11-16T19:36:00.001+08:00

But then again, Mondays almost always never are.

Sing me to sleep, Bon Iver.

The sweetest pink bunny ears

2009-11-04T19:25:00.009+08:00

First thought: "OMG. What did she send me???"

Somehow I knew it's her even before I looked at the back for the return address.

Second: "Awwwwwwww.... silly honey bunny..."

All that upon discovering the package in the mail, way before I even opened it.

What is it about receiving something in the mail you ask? I think people nowadays are deprived of that little pleasant surprise in their lives. Of somebody having thought of you, enough to send something through the mail. Heck, I'm happy to even receive mail from the bank, even when it's usually useless bank statements (because the statements are always outdated, and you can always check your balance online).

Sweet surprises are always welcome in my books. What's more, this came all the way from London!

So off I scurried up the slope into the house, clutching the package and some junk mail from Myers, Big W and Coles tight in one hand, the other pulling the headphones outta my ears, stuffed it into a ball and into my trench's pocket.

"Oh come on... where're my keys?" Wham bam, off came my shoes, junk mail unto the kitchen bench as I held up that package, admired the handwriting, examined the customs sticker and felt the insides as I walked into my room.

Threw the bag unto the floor. Sat down. Put the package in my lap.

"Wow," I remembered thinking to myself. "Just what did this silly girl do..." I gotta do this slow, just like a kid opening his presents on Christmas day. You don’t wanna tear up the wrapper. Plus, I gotta take pictures (that’s why you get to see them here).

Ain't that the cutest handwriting? YES!

It even came with a card with handwritten note inside!

The tunes. The Sundays. The Kooks.

“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…..”

Thanks so much honey bunny! And not just for the tunes.
Through stormy weather, you helped me see the sun. And you’re always where I need you to be. (Guess where I got all that from? Lol)

I love it all. : )

I do mean that though. And I’m going to say it again – it’s amazing how much closer we got after we got so much further apart.

I really hope you get what you wished for, my fingers are all crossed for ya. No matter what, I still believe in Izzie-ism. Remember that. : )

Plus, I’ll get to visit you sometime. For free accommodation. In your studio apartment. ; )

And we’ll have Nina Simone singing to us.

Much love.

The Song Makes The Trailer

2009-08-26T16:46:00.010+08:00

"The Last Day On Earth" by Kate Miller-Heidke

This song's on the Melbourne airwaves quite often right now. And everybody's been hyping on how great it is. Although I do find myself squealing along in a super high-pitched fake voice every time it comes on, I find it just an okay song after a few listens. But I do remember the first time I actually heard it not through the radio, but on TV. It was used as an accompanying music in the trailer for a returning TV series shot in Melbourne - Rush, season two (Jolene Anderson's HOT HOT HOT!). Kate Miller-Heidke's otherwordly, ethereal vocals sent chills down my spine, and nearly made me believe that the TV series must be any good at all.

That is why I have great respect for the production guys in the TV stations here. They produce a lot of really good TV series trailer that works (ie. make the show seem more interesting that it really is).

This is another song you must check out. Channel 10 (I think??) actually produced an AFL Finals trailer using it. I can't find the trailer itself, but just imagine the rising guitar rifts and soaring vocals towards the chorus set against a montage of legendary players celebrating their goals, amazing kicks of the seasons so far, and all-out passionate fans rooting for their teams. Rock like this works for me. Oh yeah, it does.

"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap

Man vs Dog Breakdance Battle

2009-08-18T09:33:00.003+08:00

After waking up tired from my 11k run yesterday (I did 59:35 WHOO HOO!), getting all dressed up, and had my Nutella and chunky peanut butter toast and coffee, I received a call from the company I'm supposed to go for an interview. It's postponed to tomorrow! So I find myself having the whole morning with nothing to do. What better way to fill my time than with YouTube gems like this one:

I Wanna Be Forever Young

2009-08-14T21:48:00.003+08:00

As I am writing this, I am already on my second bottle of Carlton Draught in an hour, and contemplating a third. So I'm a teenee-weeny bit drunk. No, not drunk actually. I'm... in happy-land. Floaty, blasting songs and singing along, raising my hands, and pumping fists. And I really felt like listening to this song.

It is definitely because of those late Friday nights at McCann listening to it through Tim's blasting speakers. It reminds me of those bittersweet times as I look out the balcony and see the Friday night crowd partying below, while being stuck in the office. The sweet part is looking around my desk and seeing colleagues who've become family.

But there's more to it. This song really just pulls my heart's strings by expressing a kind of great yearning to live life to the full, like how one would when one's young - without a care in the world. It is the yearning for the endless summer sun. The slapping on of a right-fitting tee, shorts and a pair of thongs. The jumping up and down to a rock band at a music festival. The silly-dancing. The hand-surfing of the hot summer winds through an open window, on a road trip without a set itinerary.

It is the yearning to waste not a single moment doing the things you have always wanted to.

-----------------------------------------

Forever Young
by Youth Group

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power, but we never say never
Sitting in a sand-pit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men.

Can you imagine when this race is run
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody, some are the beat
Sooner or later they all be gone
Why don't they stay young?

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
and diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs that we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever?

-----------------------------------------

I've always wanted to learn how to skate. Since Arthur, a uni-mate of mine gave me a skateboard he happened to pick up back in my uni days, I've tried, but not hard enough. I shall.

"So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs that we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We let them come true"

No more "could've beens". No more "should've beens". Let's live life. Hell, I'm going for the third right now.

Double take

2009-08-10T18:41:00.004+08:00

I'm sure you have sometimes wondered, what's up with admen and their fixation with the "indie" scene?

One of the reasons, to me anyway, is to be inspired. It is why I love being exposed to anything and everything "new". After all, isn't that what living is about; to experience as much as possible?

Sometimes we come across very interesting work. Original work by artists who put in a lot of sweat, blood and tears to get produced. And then we rip it off. LOL.

"Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie.

What a boo-boo, The Campaign Palace! If you wanna rip off something, at least cover your tracks better. Otherwise, only rip off to a certain point that people won't know lah. Aiyoyo. This one's so obvious even my 2-year old cousin and his imaginary friend, Iggie Piggie, could tell.

"Every Colour You Can Dream Of" by Target (Australia).

The only thing it's got going for it, IMO, is the great music. According to one of the comments, the song's "Everything and Everyone" by a very new band called "The Boys and The Girls". Now that's something to watch out for.

Watch out for it

2009-08-08T22:20:00.003+08:00

Men's style black and white wing-tip Oxfords (or other duo-colours), rocked with plenty hotness by the fairer sex with black leggings and long black pea coat/trench (no pants!). Too bloody cute.

Or by the guys in skinnies.

Waking up sad

2009-07-30T12:15:00.018+08:00

It was a very happy day. The lot of us went on a snow trip. Though we didn’t get good snow that day (no fresh snow!), we still managed, with great effort, to build to 6-foot tall T.Rex!

Wee hours of the morning.

At Marysville for rentals, half boot in.

Never in my mind would I have thought that we would be able to do this. When were just putting it together, it even took on a phallic shape. -___-‘ But with Ben’s “spooning” and “garden spade-ing” skills (and of course, with help from the rest of us) it turned out really remarkable as a cute-almost-cuddly dino!

Richard.

The fun extends beyond just the process of building it. I mean, yeah, Ade’s sweet, velvety, hot Milo in thermos flasks and tuna sandwiches with chopped onions for our lunch break made all that tiring digging so very worthwhile. And we had a couple of snowfights plus a lot of lying on the snow staring into the sky, drinking it in. But the fun really extends to after we finished building it.

How so?

Even as we were finishing the details (Dino’s got spikes running down its spine and its tail kay, don’t pray-pray), passer-bys were stopped in their tracks at the sight of our Dino. And… they smiled.

Check out Dino's spikes!

It wasn’t just another snowman. The feeling of delightful surprise at discovering a Dino in the snow MADE. THEM. SMILE.

Some asked if they could take a snap of it. Some asked us to hold their cameras for them as they posed with Dino. Kids huddled closer under Dino’s giant snout. An elder sister tells her brother to be careful not to destroy it. And some even took the tools from Ben’s hand to act like they’re the ones who made it.

Even as we were descending the summit, we told a family with kids who’re trekking up, “Hey, be careful. There’s a T.Rex up there,” in all seriousness. “Did you hear that kids? There’s a dinosaur up there!” the father exclaims to excite the kids. I can't help but feel a sense of thankfulness in his voice because at least, there's something to be excited about in that trip despite the bad snowfall.

It’s all in great spirit.

That’s the reason we’re doing it. And we will be doing it every year. To bring a little joy to people.

At the end of the night as we sat down for dinner, among all the gay jokes and come-ons brandied about the table, Horng Shii suddenly turned to me and asked how am I doing after the break up. One of the questions he asked me, while looking me in the eye, was “Do you dream about it?” And it hit hard.

I’m a bit taken aback. Him too? I thought it’s just me. Isolated incidences, you know.

“Yes. Sometimes. I dream about her being with someone else. And it makes me feel real jealous.”

“Me too. And I’ve broken up since last year,” he answered, still looking me in the eye as a sense of understanding descends upon us.

It’s like breathing a sigh, then saying, “I know what you mean.”

Today it happened again. I dreamt of her. In the dream, I got a job at last. Somehow, I’m working in the same company as your new boyfriend. Somehow (again), he now has my Macbook which I sold to him. And I now use a PC, which I really hated once I booted it on as I sulk at the sheer complexity and stupidity of the Windows system. I realized I don’t want a new PC laptop after all. I want my old Macbook back.

I’ve always believed that dreams are very telling of what your subconscious mind is troubled with. Feelings your conscious mind tries very hard to ignore and to bury.

Guess what that tells me is that I have yet unresolved feelings to get over.

They say that the ending of a relationship is identifiable to the loss of someone. And that the grieving process is the same.

-----------------------------------------------

Five Stages Of Grief
Taken from here.

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

4. Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

-----------------------------------------------

I don’t know which part of the process I am in now. And I’m not even sure if I will actually go through the whole thing.

I can tell you this though; sometimes I wish I could utter these three words – “I miss you.”

But it’s okay, you know. It is okay to miss the good times. 'Cause it doesn’t mean I want something out of it. It simply means that I can be thankful because there ARE good times to miss.

To live without fear

2009-07-27T21:17:00.007+08:00

Below is a speech given by Zaid Ibrahim at The Oxbridge Malaysia Dinner Dialogue Series, hosted by the Oxford & Cambridge Society of Malaysia on the 9th of July 2009.

If only EVERY Malaysian; from the pasar pagi butchers to the pasar malam vendors, from the Muslim clerics in Johor to the pastors in Penang, from the char kuey teow fella to the roadside nasi lemak makcik gets to hear this speech in full and be able to wholly comprehend it. The nation, I believe would grow many times quicker.

---------------------------------------------------------

The Preservation of Democracy and the Rule of Law in Malaysia

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you for your invitation for me to speak today. When I accepted your kind offer, I was ‘party-less’. But things have now changed. I have drawn my line in the sand. And I have chosen sides. Today, I am a proud member of Parti Keadilan Rakyat.

Today I am persuaded by the argument that for Malaysia to have democracy and the Rule of Law, we must have a new government; a viable inclusive government of the people; a government for all Malaysians. Today I am dedicated to the cause of securing the success of Parti Keadilan and Pakatan Rakyat, and ensuring that it galvanises the best talents and ideas to form a robust alternative Malaysian political force to lead the nation, to deliver true integration and nationhood.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This country was established as a secular multicultural and multi-religious democracy ala the Westminster model. The Constitution however provides for a special position for the Malays and natives of Sabah and Sarawak. They unfortunately omitted to include the Orang Asli in this special category, although they were naturally the first original inhabitants of this country. All they got was a Jabatan Orang Asli. The special provisions for Bumiputras under Article 153 do not make them more special than other citizens, for the fighters of independence did not envisage an Orwellian society where some are more equal than others. The acceptance of equality of rights as citizens is central to the success of our Malaysian journey.

When the PM announced his 1 Malaysia slogan, I asked if that meant he would make a declaration that all Malaysians are equal. The answer was not forthcoming till today. All he said was rights must be understood in the context of responsibilities. Another fuzzy reply. When critics asked if 1 Malaysia meant that the cultural characteristics of the diverse racial groups would be assimilated to a new design called 1 Malaysia, he quickly denied that it was an assimilation plan. So therefore I assume that 1 Malaysia is an affirmation of the rights of ALL the citizens under the Constitution, an affirmation of the multicultural and multi- religious nature of our country; and that the principles of Rukun Negara will continue to be the mainstay of our society.

My detractors say that my views are fodder for the egos and insecurities of those who detest the constitutional position of the Malays. They say I work too hard at being a Malaysian and by doing so, have forgotten my roots and responsibilities to the Malays. And that no right thinking Malay, who truly understands what is at stake, would ever support me. I know my heritage, I know my humble beginnings, and I know my roots and my responsibilities as a Malay. They are wrong. To them, let me say this.

UMNO — being hidden in a cave for so long and concealed from the real world — have almost abandoned the idea of a shared and common nationhood. They believe that for so long as the MCA and the MIC remain with them as partners of convenience, that is sufficient to build a nation. They think it’s sufficient to forge a new nation by electoral arrangements. The MCA and the MIC also think it’s sufficient for nationhood if they remain business partners of UMNO.

A new united Malaysia can only come true when UMNO changes and abandons racial politics and the politics of racial hegemony. Or, when the Malays can be made to understand that patronage, authoritarianism and nationalist extremism, which underpins UMNO’s style of leadership, does more harm to the community and the country than good. That Malays themselves must break from the shackles of narrow nationalism so that they may realise self-actualisation and emancipation. The first is difficult to achieve.

Let me now get into the subject of the speech by giving you an understanding about how UMNO ticks. This, to me, is critical in order for you to appreciate what hope we have for the preservation of the Rule of Law and Democracy in Malaysia.

At the heart of UMNO’s philosophy on leadership is a conviction that there is an inherent, almost ‘divine’ right to retain power at all costs. This is so for two reasons: Firstly, because they assume that they are the only political force, by way of Barisan Nasional, to offer a workable power-sharing leadership of this nation.

And secondly, because they believe that the Malay hegemony that UMNO maintains is necessary to prevent the Malays from becoming marginalised. It is these beliefs that are at the centre of UMNO’s self-indulgent sense of indispensability and self-importance that is today causing them to steer the nation to an authoritarian rule. It is this sense of self-importance that is accountable for the authoritarianism in leadership and government. It is this that has helped justify in their minds their right to quell anyone who threatens the status quo, whether it be a group of politicians or activists protesting against abuses in government, or a group of Indians protesting against their treatment and lack of opportunities, or a previous deputy prime-minister who was no longer in step with the ‘Big Boss’. It does not matter. Self-preservation demands expedience at all costs to resolve any impending threat.

But there is more. Since the hegemony is protected by policies that benefit the elites and other powerful forces, this sense of self-importance becomes even more dangerous. Because it justifies why real checks and balances against governmental abuses can be done away with. It justifies trampling on fundamental safeguards in the Federal Constitution in the last 20 years.

But there is more. If you are on the cause of preserving the rights of the elites, the oligarchs, then it brings you no shame to have a former UMNO lawyer as Chief Justice; in fact, you become proud of that achievement. Even if the Attorney General had committed many errors in the discharge of his functions and duties, a well-known fact amongst the legal fraternity, you will not change him; nor would you change the Chief Of Police despite so many reports of transgressions committed by him. All for the ‘Malay cause’ they would say! And if you are on the Bench writing your judgement on the Perak fiasco; you can tailor it to suit your master’s political interests, and you will be lauded for that. The ‘Malay Cause’ is everything. The Constitution can wait; sound legal reasoning can wait, justice can wait.

But there is more.

Many in UMNO see the hegemony as a ‘be all and end all’, with the power sharing between component parties as being a means to an end. Ketuanan Melayu, a mantra of Malay supremacy, has gained ground instead of receding over time. More accurately it is Ketuanan Elit Melayu as the majority of the Malays have found out to their dismay.

What is the price that we ultimately pay as a nation, if this pernicious doctrine is embraced by many? Clearly to start with, we would continue to be cursed with a non-transparent government without the capability of functioning in a way that respects the rule of law. We will be cursed by having laws that oppress, that curtail and suffocate the basic freedoms of the people. We now have a set of rules for the elites and one for the rakyat, one for Barisan Nasional and one for Pakatan Rakyat.

If the public believes that the government is not beholden to a set of commonly revered values and principles, and its actions are tainted by racial biases, there will continue to be physical and emotional segregation of communities, regardless of how may times we change the slogans to break such divisiveness. The notion of creating a free and democratic Malaysia therefore becomes unachievable.

The ultimate price that the country suffers from the present political culture is that the Malays and non-Malays will continue to be denied a sense of ownership of Malaysia’s nation-building journey. And instead of become partners in this voyage to mature nationhood they continue to bicker and remain suspicious and distrustful of one another. Because of this segregation, the government is unable to set a new direction of the country. Because of racial polarization the people are not ready to accept a multiracial dimension of this country. As a result, we are not able to enact or even discuss comprehensive national policies whether it is regarding the police, education or judicial and civil service reforms .The distrust of the communities will prevent objective appraisals and solutions to the problems. Ethnic interests take precedence over national interests. National interests become a strange and fearful concept. And there will continue to be a brain drain of Malaysian talents who would have decided that they would rather make their home elsewhere. This is a high price that the country can ill-afford to pay given the increasingly challenging global outlook.

Authoritarianism, patronage, and nationalist extremism from any quarter destroy the key ingredients necessary for the Malaysian community to really build on and retain that wealth and knowledge. Competitiveness and true economic and scholastic success, is a function of instilling in the hearts and minds of beneficiaries a set of new behaviours, around the capacity and desire to take personal accountability, to trust one another, to be achievement oriented, to develop a sense of curiousity, a sense a solidarity that go beyond your own ethnic clans and groups; so that together, we are to be able to build this country. We must do away with unprincipled politics, with Machiavellian methods, but instead seek to change with reforms that encourage the development of a viable democracy and a prosperous country for all.

The government says it hopes to amend up to 33 laws, which involve discretionary powers to the Home minister, beginning with the controversial Internal Security Act (ISA), in the next Parliament session. Let’s hope and see if this will bear fruit. Authoritarianism in government will continue albeit in a different guise, unless the whole of the ISA, Official Secrets Act, The Sedition Act and similar such laws are abolished. This would be an example of good governance. However, authoritarian policies will most likely continue while corruption is rampant, when the elites need protection from their misdeeds. Najib will not be able to change any of these.

Perak State Government

The whole cloak and dagger story of intrigue about the overthrow of the Pakatan Rakyat government gave rise to much suspicion about Najib’s style, well before he took office. He could have allayed the fears that he would not be one to resort to under-the-belt tactics in his leadership, by calling for fresh elections. Najib’s unwillingness to dissolve the Perak Assembly has gotten the country deeper into a political quagmire. By doing so he will also help the Federal Court judges from having to come up with a convoluted legal reasoning, like that of the Court of Appeal, to please the Prime Minister.

Malay Unity Talk

This is again Najib’s idea to strengthen himself. If PAS were to support UMNO under the guise of a unity government, a viable alternative to Barisan Nasional at the next elections will be seriously undermined. Najib wanted the internal difficulties between Pakatan Rakyat parties to continue and fester as the mainstream media went full steam ahead to ensure Pakatan’s demise. Let me assure you that that such a scenario will not happen. Pakatan will only get stronger. Pakatan has its weaknesses but we do not have the culture of hegemony. We do not suppress dissent. Hence you will hear of occasional disagreements. You will hear of occasional flare-ups; but PAS, Keadilan and DAP are committed to finding ways to strengthen their partnership. They will not break up. Instead, they will form a formidable coalition that will be ready to provide an alternative government to the people.

Today, Malaysians are suffering the deleterious effect of a stagnating world economy, and the GDP will contract by 4.4 per cent according to the World Bank. FDI’s continue to fall, while talent is being lost. The standard of education and the skill sets, including the command of English, necessary for the work force to remain globally competitive continues to fall. Now after spending billions on teaching Science and Maths in English in the last 6 years, the Government has announced the reversal of the policy effective 2012. One wonders if the farcical National Service programme, which is neither a national service nor an educational programme will be scrapped too. .

Crimes and home security issues have increased since 2003 and these remain major concerns of the people. In the 1998 case of Anwar Ibrahim, allegations by the investigating officer himself of tampering with evidence by the IGP and the AG have not been answered satisfactorily. Of course the government had formed a certain panel comprising three ex-judges deliberating in a secret place. Not surprisingly the Panel cleared them. The findings of the Royal Commission in the Lingam case have not been acted upon in satisfactory manner. And many high profile cases reported to the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) remain unattended. Such is the state of the Rule of Law in Malaysia. Will Najib attend to these issues? Certainly not.

All he can do is to announce the scrapping of some outdated policies that he had little choice but to do it anyway, as part of the demands of the international and ASEAN trade agreements. After decades of the NEP, the 30% equity requirement in companies listed amongst the 27 services sub-sectors are taken away. Also, the Foreign Investment Committee regulating investments in Malaysia, have been scrapped. The reasoning of the government, which is disputed by many Malays, is that the Bumiputra participation in the relevant services sub-sectors are satisfactory and hence the removal of the quota requirement. Whilst the move has made Najib popular in the short term, it will come back to haunt him. Economics and social justice require him to address the larger question of disparities in income of the rakyat. The plight and grievances of ordinary people will not be redressed by one or two populist policies.

On the question of the preservation of the Rule of Law and Democracy, he did nothing and probably will continue to do nothing. He should have acted as if he has only 100 days before his reign comes to an end. He should have embraced Roosevelt’s dictum, ‘There is nothing to fear but fear itself’, and embarked on far reaching policies to give back judicial power to the Courts, to give back integrity, trust and respectability to governmental institutions like the Police, the Attorney General’s Office, the Election Commission; that of which Malaysia desperately needs. In doing so he can show the people he was prepared to sacrifice his neck if that is required of him.

He should not have started the Perak debacle but since it had already got under way, he should have had the courage to win back the support of the people by allowing for the dissolution of the Legislative Assembly. Instead of embarking on the inane idea of UMNO-PAS unity — confirming the suspicion that he is like his Deputy who only understands UMNO-PAS unity at the expense of everything else — Najib should have called for a national debate amongst all leaders of major political parties for a serious discussion on key and core values for the country.

The problems in our country are not race or religion based, but BN has worked very hard to make them so. It’s always about the Rakyat against the elites or the powerful oligarchs that run and control the country’s institutions and wealth. The Rakyat, for too long have becomes pawns in this political game where the race and religious issues are being played out to divide them.

Najib should have started his administration with pushing through a Race Relations Act that will punish racism and racist speeches and writings from all quarters, even if it’s from leaders of his own party and from Utusan Malaysia. The single greatest impediment to Malaysians being united and working together for the common good, is racist politics in Malaysia. Racism here is not the same kind that the Anglo Saxon whites have over blacks and coloureds (or vice versa) for many years. It’s not the apartheid kind of racism where whites generally believe they are superior to blacks and coloureds in genetics and all spheres of life. Our racism is driven more by ethnic distrust and ethnic rivalry for the economic cake. They are mainly economic and cultural in nature, based on the fear that the wealth of the country will be taken away by the Chinese, and vice versa. But it’s just as divisive and dangerous. It refers to both institutionalised racism and those exhibited by individuals. Malaysia needs to combat this problem because it’s particularly acute. Because we have three major races that did not have the luxury of time for natural assimilation or the time to gel and live in harmony, we need legislation and governmental support to push through the unity factors and manage the divisive factors found in the community.

To bring about a truly united 1 Malaysia, our PM must not always refer to the deprivation of the Malays suffered under the British. No amount of wallowing of the past can change history, nor can we just tell the Chinese and the Indians how grateful they should be for events taking place 100 years ago. Equally, he cannot just be happy that he has the MCA and MIC taking care of the non-Malays. He has to do more to make sure the non-Malays are equally responsible and generous with the Malays. Will they open their businesses to the Malays? Will they give credit on the same terms they do to their own clans?

But at the same time the people, including the Malays, must be convinced that democracy and a functioning bureaucracy is good for them. That they have a better chance of realizing their potentials and benefiting from their rights and privileges under a government that respects just laws. They must resist corruption by all means at their disposal. The notion of Bangsa Malaysia will not detract or take away anything from them, but instead they become a part of a larger and more diverse community where they too can experience the generousity, beauty, strength, and richness of Malaysian cultures. They will benefit from the solidarity of people from all walks of life, and their worldview will change to make them stronger and more confident of themselves.

A PM of this country must not succumb to the idea that force and repression will prevail over the people’s will. The PM of this country must not suffer from the delusion that the Police, the Army, the Courts, the Election Commission and the Attorney General could strike fear in the hearts of the people to the extent that they will retreat. No leader in ancient and modern times has survived the outrage of the masses. Today we have witnessed a new sense of outrage; outrage against the abuse of power, against inequality, outrage against the continued persecution of Anwar Ibrahim, and outrage against the policies of divide and rule.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The winds of change have never blown so strong. Today, the rakyat has spoken and they want their voices heard. They want a new beginning, so that this country, which we all call home, will be transformed into a dynamic, open and vibrant democratic sanctuary. A sanctuary where we live without fear of police harassment, without fear of wearing black or yellow, without fear of detention without trial, without the nausea of reading newspapers whose editors have to toe the line to keep the papers alive. We will make this country such that we have room and space for all of us to have our dreams and hopes come true.

But the window of opportunity has opened for one central reason. And that is because the people now have a choice; between the establishment that has led the country over the last 50 years, or a viable alternative in Pakatan Rakyat that can inclusively carry the hopes and aspirations of all Malaysians, no matter they be Malay, Chinese or Indian. For without this alternative, the self indulgent and delusional sense of self-importance of UMNO and its cohorts in Barisan Nasional will continue to impose itself.

No doubt, Keadilan is a new party, and Pakatan Rakyat is in its infancy, and the coming together of different political parties to find a common thread with which to build meaningful solidarity to work together, is a long and arduous journey. Let us not kid ourselves. Many challenges lie ahead to make it a truly viable alternative political force to Barisan Nasional and acceptable choice to all Malaysians. And the traps and snares to trip up this fledgling alternative are being laid everywhere; the Unity talks being just one.

My colleagues and I in Pakatan Rakyat must be cautious, and yet courageous, patient yet purposeful, tolerant yet principled, to ensure that Pakatan Rakyat steers clear of these traps, and that we build a truly robust and secure alternative from which the electorate can choose to form government. We must desist from any temptation to go back to the ways of the past, in which opposition parties represent their own narrow factional interests, only to grant a walkover victory to the status quo.

At for Parti Keadilan Rakyat, it must soldier on come what may, as a party that will protect the people regardless of race and ethnicity. The Special position of the Bumiputras and Islam as mandated by the Constitution will be honoured but will do so in an open transparent manner; as a democratic multiracial party that observes the Rule of Law will be obliged to do. Keadilan will not champion racial politics and will not seek racial hegemony. We are a lot more humble than UMNO. But we will be fearless in the defence of the rights of the Rakyat against powerful oligarchs and vested interest groups. We will make the public institutions in this country respectable and full of integrity. These institutions will regain the respect and the trust of the people.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We do not live in a world of black and white. We live in a world full of different colours, shades and textures. No truer is this than in Malaysia. I can stand here and tell you of my immense sense of pride and affection in being a Malaysian, just as I can do the same about being Malay. And I believe that we all are just as capable of feeling that way about being Malaysian, and yet similarly proud of being Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan or Iban, no matter who we are.

And it is this mix of seemingly conflicting values, which when blended and tempered with courage, tolerance, good faith, and framed by universally held moral and civic values, that makes the canvas of Malaysia so rich, so powerful and so full of potential. Let us preserve this living piece of art, and ensure that it continues to beautify and enrich our personal lives, as private citizens.

For if we fail, then the providence with which we are blessed today to make a breakthrough change, will disappear as quickly as it came, and we will be back to square one. Our future and that of our children and their children, depends on our success. Failure is not an option. God favours the brave.

Thank You.

Editor, trying to be cheeky aren't ya?

2009-07-27T19:33:00.002+08:00

Thought you could slip this in and nobody might notice eh?

LOL.

"Eleventh Hour Amendment Protocol"

2009-07-27T19:10:00.003+08:00

Here's a joke for the day. What better way to cheer up your blue Monday other than by letting you know how much my country sucks?

Taken from the original post here, at TheMalaysianInsider.com

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Cops, officials block Pakatan Perak assembly inquiry

IPOH, July 27 — It was like a sense of déjà vu outside the Perak State Secretariat building here this morning.

From 7am onwards, police trucks had begun pulling up to the back entrance of the building, forming a mini barricade there.

All was prepared for yet another stand-off between the Barisan Nasional (BN) government and Pakatan Rakyat (PR), much like March 3 when the latter coalition had tried to convene a state assembly sitting.

This time, however, the object of contention was a meeting of the state assembly’s Rights and Privileges Committee, which PR claims is still the legal committee, to investigate into a complaint over the “illegal” appointment of BN’s new Speaker Datuk R. Ganesan.

At about 9.50am, members of PR’s Rights and Privileges Committee approached the uniformed personnel stationed at the gates.

Leading them was Perak DAP chief Datuk Ngeh Koo Ham, who was to attend the meeting as one of the four witnesses summoned to provide evidence in the investigation.

The other three witnesses were complainant Pokok Assam assemblyman Yee Seu Kai (DAP), lawyer Tommy Thomas and Ganesan, who had already announced earlier last week that he would ignore the meeting since the state assembly had already formed a new committee.

A 30-minute-long heated exchange between PR members, Ipoh CID chief Supt S. Glenn Anthony and principal assistant to the State Secretary, Shamshuzaman Sulaiman, subsequently ensued with the former arguing that they latter two individuals had no right to block them from entering the building.

The argument progressed from why elected representatives were stopped from entering “their own House” to who was issuing the directive to stop them from entering.

Ngeh said that Shamshuzaman and Glenn were infringing section 124 of the Penal Code for obstructing an elected representative from entering the state assembly building.

Glenn, however, argued that he “was not blocking them from entering but was merely acting under instructions of the State Secretary.”

Ngeh retorted that the police were not allowed to take instructions from the State Secretary.

Simpang Pulai assemblyman Chan Ming Kai, who is also a member of the PR committee, then “apologised” to Glenn and said that action would have to be taken against him.

“I am sorry but I have to inform you that we have no choice but to lodge a police report against you because you have gone against your jurisdiction by disallowing us from entering this building,” he said.

Finally, PR members, including ousted Speaker V. Sivakumar, who is chairman of the committee, demanded for an official letter from the state secretariat stating that they were not allowed to enter the building to hold their meeting.

At about 10.45am, Shamshuzaman emerged with the letter, signed by him.

In the letter, it was stated that “under orders from the State Secretary (Datuk Dr Abdul Rahman Hashim), the Rights and Privileges Committee hearing scheduled for today is unable to be held as no notice had been given to the state assembly secretary”.

Ngeh pointed out that the word “unable” was inaccurate because since Sivakumar had been the one to summon the meeting, only he could decide if he was “unable” or “able” to hold the meeting.

Shamshuzaman then amended the letter 10 minutes later and removed the word “unable” and replaced it with “prohibited”.

Again, Ngeh argued a discrepancy in the letter and said that the part about the lack of notice given to the assembly secretary was wrong because notice had already been given to PR’s assembly secretary, Misbahul Munir Masduki.

During the March 3 hullabaloo, Misbahul had been appointed by the PR to replace the assembly secretary as the latter had supposedly been acting unfairly under BN’s orders.

Finally, a tired-looking Shamshuzaman crossed out the line about the assembly secretary and left the letter to state that “under orders from the State Secretary, the Rights and Privileges Committee meeting is prohibited”.

Satisfied, PR members dispersed from the grounds at about 11.15am and adjourned their committee meeting to Syuen Hotel.

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The comedy started after the Pakatan Rakyat members demanded an official letter from the state secretariat stating that they weren't allowed into the building.

So what do ya do?

Go and get a letter written right away.

Then, there were some inaccuracies in the choice of words in the letter.

So what do ya do?

Amend it immediately, and emerge with another letter in 10 minutes' time.

Then, another discrepancy.

So what do ya do?

Just cross out one of the lines in the letter

where the discrepancy appears and call it a day.

Wow. Just... wow. Can you imagine how thick-skinned, desperate and more importantly, how greatly arrogant the BN government is by doing something like this? Gone are the days of underhanded dirty political tactics (which at least deserves a smidgen of respect for the art of subtlety). Now, outright LAWLESSNESS is in.

Get the police to barricade the place.

Get the State Secretary to write a letter straightaway to stop them from convening the meeting.

WHATEVER IT TAKES, even if it means Malaysians see how blatant the attempts of the BN are at stopping PR from convening this meeting.

It reminds me of how kids play, where they keep shifting the goalposts outrightly in their favour. Or as The Next Big Thing Copywriter coined the phrase (at my request), "Eleventh Hour Amendment Protocol". Sounds really important, doesn't it? Lol.

Jill & Kevin's Wedding Entrance

2009-07-23T22:17:00.003+08:00

Damn. They're upping the ante so much it's gonna be hard to come up with something original for MY own wedding in the future.

This vid totally made my day. I really loved how the groom emerged from amongst his entourage. And I found myself grinning silly at the screen as the groom went to meet the bride halfway to escort her to the altar. Again, thanks to Yasmin for sharing it.

I hope I'll find that someone to do crazy stuff like this with me, too.

-----------------

Another video I think you should really check out.

I simply can't describe with any words good enough to express how lovely their dance is. The bride's every little hand movement, sway of the hips and the tilt of the head is full of poise, grace and elegance. And her dress is just stunning (look at how it flows as she dance!). I want a wife like that, dammit!

Plagiarising Coolness

2009-07-07T20:05:00.003+08:00

How many times have you felt robbed of your "cool points" because your friends re-posted something that you actually posted first? It could be a ridiculous website of Asian poses. Or perhaps a new, marvelously produced MV*. Something which you stumbled upon and then actually posted on Facebook or on your blog.

And BANG!

Suddenly everyone else you know is talking about it. And they're thinking how cool your this friend is by being so updated and all. Cause they didn't know it actually came from you.

Well, your friend's a "cool points" thief!

You may disregard what I am talking about as something very frivolous. But admit it. You know what I mean. You've felt it before, too. You're just afraid that if you voice out, other people might think of you as a calculative fella. But I'm not afraid. Say what you want, but to me, it's common courtesy. Etiquette.

The least you could do is to give credit lah, CLT**! "Via Jeremy" would be nice, thank you very much. Cause if you don't, it's PLAGIARIZING. And that's bloody rude.

pla·gia·rize (plā′jə rīz′)
transitive verb, intransitive verb

to take (ideas, writings, etc.) from (another) and pass them off as one's own

*The said MV.

** Chow Lan Tui

Banksy x Bristol Museum

2009-07-06T22:37:00.003+08:00

I wanna be there to see this! It looks like it's gonna one helluva exhibition, and it's FREE dammit!

Which reminds me, there was a Banksy piece here along one of Melbourne many alleyways which I wanted to check out. Notice the use of past-tense. Yep, some fuck-tards actually defaced it.

Wear your cake.

2009-07-06T22:01:00.005+08:00

We know Threadless Tees - the purveyors of fine tees with smartarse designs/messages on them which are always worth a second glance when you see one on the street? Well, now you can have your favourite designs in a cake form, too.

Erm, not really. Threadless is actually running a cake-baking contest. The brief? Transform a Threadless design into a cake.

Can bake? Check out Threadcakes.

On the agenda tomorrow

2009-06-21T22:47:00.002+08:00

Been looking forward to this:

Because I'm such a kiam siap, I'm gonna watch it tomorrow, on a Monday. Why? 'Cause it's $6 at The Nova, baby!

Only setback is... it's only showing at 10.25am. Which means I'll have to leave the house by nine, which means I'll have to wake up at eight. So that I have time for brekkie, so that I won't feel like I'm the walking dead. Damn.

A Reminder from Mer

2009-06-18T13:28:00.004+08:00

We know this. We've heard this advice in various forms before. We've read stories from those email chain letters. And every time we come across it, we'd be reminded to not take things for granted. About the fact that what you have in front of you right now could all be gone tomorrow.

So we mull over it. Maybe just for a little while. Change the way we are for that one hour, one day, or one month. And we then go back to the way we were.

I hope you find someone who can make you say, "You make my world beautiful." And if you do, say it. Say it every so often. Until he/she gets sick of hearing it, which I doubt anyone ever will.

So, besides the outrage I felt after watching Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Finale, I love how the ending narration have stated it quite simply. Perhaps a little too simply. But that is until you let the weight of the words sink in. Every single one of it.

---------------------------------------------

Did you say it - “I love you.”?

“I don’t ever want to live without you.”

“You changed my life.”

Did you say it?

Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it.

But every now and then, look around. Drink it in.

Cause… this is it.

It might all be gone tomorrow.

- Meredith Grey, Narration. S05E24 ending.

It's done.

2009-06-17T12:00:00.027+08:00

When Joanna Loved Me
by Tony Bennett

Today is just another day, tomorrow is a guess
But yesterday, oh, what I'd give for yesterday
To relive one yesterday and its happiness

When Joanna loved me
Every town was Paris
Every day was Sunday
Every month was May

When Joanna loved me
Every sound was music
Music made of laughter
Laughter that was bright and gay

But when Joanna left me
May became December
But, even in December, I remember
Her touch, her smile, and for a little while

She loved me
And once again it's Paris
Paris on a Sunday
And the month is May

---------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t bear to say it. So I said it. We both know that this is needed. We both know this is what we want. Deep down inside, we even know that it’s what’s best for us. Even in the two weeks of hiatus, we know that when we pick up the phone, this will be what it’s about.

We have both fallen out of love. And we both hate to admit it. How could we?

Who could ever resist the promise of a perfect love? The beginning of which brought a shining ray of hope to two battered souls. From past relationships. From the mad, mad world we live in. Two persons who thought that they couldn’t fall in love again, and then stumbled upon a miracle.

The very idea of finding true happiness and the promise of perfection are too beautiful to not fall for. And we did. We were everything we both wished for.

Even though it took a little more than two rejections that set me back, we started great. I was your Boo, His Royal Corniness. Because I was always corny with you. And you… you were my Ms. Irresistible. Because of a spelling error I made spelling that word. And we. We were the world to each other.

I love how we’re amazed by the fact that we couldn’t get each other out of our minds. And that we’re shy to admit it. But then tell each other about it. Because we were so happy deep down inside that we can’t help but let the other know.

I love the way we hug. You’d rest your head on my chest, and I could rest my head on yours. I love how you said you felt safe in my arms. And I love how I felt I could shield you from the world. I love how when we hug, we'd wrap one leg around the other person's. It's so silly and embarrassing whenever we did this in public, but we'd do it anyhow. I still remember the very first time I kissed you on your hair right outside your house, and the very scent I breathed in, a scent I could die for.

I love kissing you, and tasting your strawberry lipgloss, the scent of which fills the car every time you put it on. I'd tell you I love the taste of your lipgloss. It'll freak you out for a bit. You'd say "YERR..." but then... you'd laugh.

I love how to you, the best medicine when you were sick was to see me. I love how you demanded ‘sayang’. I love how I could make a fool of myself in front of you. I could dance crazy, and that would make you laugh. I love how you’re always willing to play along, like that time we danced in the rain, just outside your house. That said, I love how we can always dance together, a slow amble, your right hand in my left, your left hand on my shoulder, and my right around your back. We’d dance to Al Green as he sings about how we’re so in love with each other, and about staying together.

I love singing in the car with you. And the silly gestures we did when “Touch the sky” comes on. I love how we pumped fists into the air, with many “Oh yeahs”, celebrating like we just won the lottery whenever we find a parking spot in One U.

I love it when you said that whenever it rained, it meant that you miss me.

I love how we’re both so afraid of putting on weight, but would indulge in guilty pleasures whenever we’re with each other. Like how we’d always ask each other, “Shall we have Roti Boy?” I love, love, love how we could always go for coffee. I love our dinners at Strawberry Field, because it’s our little refuge for some comforting warm food as we talk about the bad days, or good days that we had.

I love how you cried whenever we're watching some soppy love movie. Like the time we watched "The Notebook". You'd try to hide by sitting in front of me, thinking that I couldn't hear your quiet sobs. And when I asked, you'd quickly dismiss it as "nose blocked".

I love how you’re always so supportive. You’re steadfast, always being positive whenever I tell you my problems. I love how you always dropped by at my office whenever I was stuck at work.
I love how you look great even without makeup. You were always beautiful. I love how you always asked me if you look fat, and you’d pout. I love all your facial expressions. Your puffy face, your sticking out of the tongue, your killer winks. I love how your nose wrinkles when you smiled. Your dimples. Gosh, your dimples.

I love how comfortable our love was. There were no expectations, no demands. I love how it felt so secure. Like, I know you’d always want the best for me. You’d cover for me. I love how I felt so at ease in front of you always.

We had a great beginning. But what happened? We didn’t grow.

I hate the fact that we didn’t work hard enough for this relationship. I hate that we let it get boring. I hate that we stopped doing silly things to make each other happy. I hate that we stopped laughing. I hate the fact we didn’t share more of our feelings from time to time, to connect. I hate how we never argued about anything, and agree to disagree. I hate how we lost touch with each other, and drifted apart. I hate the fact that we put this relationship second to everything else going on in our life, believing that it will last just on its own. I hate how we took it so lightly, when we meant the world to each other. And most of all, I hate the fact that we didn’t talk about US. I really do. It frustrated me so much that we didn’t get a space to talk.

Maybe that is the root of it all. We fell into complacency. We try to make up for it by going to the mall more often, spending on more dinners, watching more movies. But we don’t talk.

It’s been a long time coming. And we didn’t want people to know that we’re unhappy. More importantly, we lied to ourselves, not wanting to know that the perfect relationship that we had is not perfect after all. So we put on a face. We act. Mere pretenders, in it together. We ignored the problem, until the problem got too big to handle, too great to do anything about. Because we wanted to believe that what started out perfect, is still perfect. But we don’t realize that things don’t stay the way they are just by themselves. There needs work, effort. And did we do enough? We didn’t.

At the end of day, I guess I just didn’t give you enough reasons to keep loving me.

Guess I’ll just have to contend with the idea of you ending up with someone better.

Thank you for the three years. You’re the best I’ve ever had. I’m not gonna try to find another you. Cause I will never find another you.

I hope you find happiness. And I hope someday, I’ll find mine, too.

No matter what happens, I believe it was for the better. Here’s to feeling hopeful for the future. Here’s to feeling optimistic for the outlook on life. Cause it is what I need to go it alone. I’m afraid, for sure. I'm scared shitless. Because what if this is the beginning of a long bout of loneliness? But, aren’t we all alone, really? No matter how many friends you have, no matter how great your family is, no matter what. You are, by right, ONE being, destined to come into the world alone, and leave it alone.

There’s no one to be accountable for, but myself. I’m living for me, myself and I. Until I fall in love again, like how I did with you, if I ever could.

For now, Jeremy’s not ok. Someday maybe, he will be.

---------------------------------------------------

I'll always cherish how we started. It's unforgettable.

YOU SICK, SADISTIC BASTARDS! I HOPE YOU ALL BURN IN HELL!*

2009-06-13T23:13:00.007+08:00

Ahem. Excuse the little outburst there. But if you were to watch Grey's Anatomy S05E23-24 (season finale, double episode), you'd empathize with how I'm feeling right now. About the sick-in-the-mind Grey's Anatomy's scriptwriters.

Go on. Read that blog. They talk a little about the latest episodes. Sort of like a prologue. Making no secret of it, they tell you how they connive and conspire evil-schneivel plots aimed with the single purpose to wrench hearts. Oh, they do try to make every episode cut deep. Real deep.

Shonda, it hurt YOUR heart to see Izzie sick? Your editor said it right - “YOU MADE HER SICK!” If you feel sad and scared now that you’ve made her this sick, what about us at the other end of the tube? You showed us a ray of what, candlelight at the end of tunnel? – then as quick as that came, you snuffed it out and left us in the dark, wondering what'll happen next in this “cliffhanger-y” hell of an episode. Seriously?!

Don’t do this to me. Life has enough drama as it is. I need to know that there’s a happy ending. There WILL be, right??

Please don’t kill Izzie. And please don’t kill John Doe. Please.

* Ok, ok. I don't mean it. I take it all back. Keep the stories and the brilliant narratives pouring in. I need to know that someone, somewhere in this world is preoccupied with the very same thoughts that I have. And is putting it down in words, because 1) I’m lazy, so I procrastinate. And 2) I almost always forget what I wanted to write after I put off writing it down.

That ever present fear of dying alone

2009-06-12T22:47:00.004+08:00

How coincidental. We were just on this subject the other day. I guess the writers have put it in a better than I did.

-----------

"We enter the world alone. And we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to ourselves to find a little company.

We need help. We need support. Otherwise, we’re in it by ourselves, strangers cut off from each other. And we forget just how connected we all are. So instead, we choose Love. We choose Life. And, for a moment, we feel just a little bit less alone."

- Meredith Grey, Narration. S05E10's ending.

-----------

I am afraid of dying alone, too. But you know what I'm more afraid of?

Not finding happiness.

"What did we do to end up in this position?"

Insanity, maybe. Because when you look at the people around you, it seems to be so much simpler, easier. So we must be the few insane ones who somehow have a tendency to self-torture.

Then you think, am I being too difficult? Too demanding?

A lifetime of happiness, that's all. I don't think I'm asking for too much. Because anything less, I'm shortchanging myself.

Noah & The Whale

2009-05-06T11:03:00.003+08:00

Now and then again, you meet people who inspire you. People who take your hand and lead you on a journey of discovery, into an outer sphere of at first slightly uncomfortable new ground filled with yet undiscovered bands, fresh sounds and music that seem to be able to touch you on an entirely different emotional level. Harmonious expressions that draw you in and raise the hair on the back of your neck especially when you have a good pair of earphones plugged in on a dead quiet, cold autumn night. Every guitar pluck, every lingering piano note, every breath the vocalist draws in and exhales in melancholic reflections, become especially more pronounced.

Thanks to the WWW, it's now easier than ever to come across people like that. And I'm always thankful whenever I get to read not-just-another-bimbo blog. This is one such. Her writing's simple, easy to read, delightful and most importantly, honest. (Damn, some people just 'have it' huh? I wish I could write that well, too.) She writes for Klue magazine, so she's actually quite up-to-date on the music. As I was Amazon-ing some of the featured songs on her blog, I came across Noah & The Whale. Delightful folk.

That's why I love to be exposed to different things everyday. The chance discovery of something amazing makes living well worth it. So go forth and experience something new today. See where it takes you. There's always more to learn from this other WWW (Wide, Wide World).

Oh, and be happy, kay?

THIS IS NOT ONE OF "THOSE" BLOGS

2009-05-03T22:36:00.003+08:00

The fact: I'm not pretty to look at.

So the truth is, I can't just post pictures of me living the glamorous life, attending glamorous events all the while surrounded by glamorous friends. And do a "oh-what-a-lame-picture-"blogpost"-followed-by-two-lines-of-caption-that-states-exactly-what's-in-the-picture" thing.

It's just that I've got a new haircut. Don't chastise me. (Please?)

Me love Ms. Jang Hee very much. All hail Korean hairstylists!

“If I had all the money in the world…”

2009-05-02T22:42:00.004+08:00

Just how amazingly satisfying it is to find oneself indulging in the thought of “what ifs”? The time spent rolling around in my beloved double bed before sleep, searching for the perfect warm spot under the quilt is often also spent lusting after the things I could own if money was no matter (now who said men can’t multi-task?). Perhaps there’s a naïve believe that it will bring me sweet dreams, much like how dessert ends a meal on a sweet note, so the lusting does for my day. Because to mere mortals like me, the next object of desire is often reduced to just that – dreams.

Now, you may go all “Holier Than Thou” on me, charging me as being materialistic by fuelling the capitalism world in which we live in and devouring the Earth’s resources in the feint effort to satiate a perverse desire for the latest clothes, gadgets, etc. while someone in Africa dies from malnourishment every one and a half minutes. You might also add that being materialistic brings no lasting satisfaction.

Don’t be a hypocrite, come on. Are you willing to share everything you own right now with the next drying African kid?

Old list.

That’s not my point though, cause I’m not saying that having a philanthropic spirit is wrong. But the twisted perspective of “living” is. Because to me, above all that “living” might stand to mean, I’m pretty sure "passion" is one of the main pillars up there.

Having a desire for something is an act of making an informed choice. Those who want something for no reason at all are just insane. There MUST be a reason.

This is where balancing needle lies. Is the reason right or not? Make it clear, that when you’re condemning someone for being materialistic, you’re actually condemning his reasons.

Now what could those reasons be? Well, if I keep wanting the next greatest limited edition shoe ever (like those suckers who want to get their hands on a pair of FUGLY Air Yeezys) so that I could show them off to my friends or other sneaker freakers just so they know how “cool” I am for being able to get it, I’m a total idiot.

But if I got the Air Yeezys because I honestly feel that the design of the shoes look pleasing to my eye (IMO highly impossible), or because I can later sell it off to other suckers at 10,000 times the price I bought it for (so that I can then use the money to get other things that are 10,000 times better-looking), then isn’t that worth lauding? My point is, have a passion for what the product does for you.

See, buying an object is not an end to itself. It facilitates a greater cause. And as long as the greater cause makes your life feel “fuller”, have greater passion, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong. There’s nothing more sad than to have lived frugally all your life without getting to enjoy the pursuit of passions.

Now that I’ve presented and won my argument (hands down), I’ve taken the liberty to show you a list you might have noticed. So the next time my birthday comes around, you know what to do. Please do not hesitate at all to contribute to my dream of living a healthy, and passionate life. ; ) And do check in regularly for updates as the list might change.

New list. Thank you very much in advance.

Let AC/DC Rock Your Excel Sheet

2009-04-11T12:47:00.005+08:00

Change. It is inevitable. Yet when embraced brings about advancements, perhaps even immortality. It is what separates the boys from the men, and rookies from rock gods. Well, to some, that's what AC/DC is (fondly referred to as "Acca Dacca" in OZ). I can't help but wonder how a band can last more than 30 years, sell 200 million albums worldwide, get inducted in Rock & Roll Hall of Fame as if it's an everyday affair, still rock it in their 50s/60s, and could still bring it on when it comes to keeping up with the times.

A laneway in Melbourne, in recognition of the band.

This is one hell of an idea. An idea so simple, and so "executable", it's brilliant. It proves that a great idea executed well trumps multi-million dollar MTVs anytime. I can imagine AC/DC fans sending this to each other, and them to their friends. A textbook successful viral.

Let AC/DC Rock Your Excel Sheet here.

If it doesn't work on your Excel, like what happened to me because I'm using a Mac, here's a video of how it works.

My Little Tiger

2009-04-11T11:41:00.005+08:00

It just came into my mind the other day what I would name my future cat. (Sorry, can't help it, been thinking a lot about my future house a lot with so much time on my hands.)

I'd name it "Siu Fu", or Little Tiger.

Cute, eh? See, usually people here or even back in Malaysia like to give their pets English names. Tabby, Cherry, Biskie, Kookie, etc. So blase in the attempt to appear Westernized.

Calling it "Siu Fu" harks back to their lineage, their cousins in the same family. Besides, I am Chinese. So doesn't it make sense that my cat should be somehow related, too?

Seems like a flimsy excuse. I guess at the end of the day, it's just the side of me that wants to break from the norm acting up.

I have often wondered why - the craving to be of one, unique. I wonder if it is normal. Or is it a tendency to be insane?

"Perhaps a lunatic is simply a majority of one. At one time, it had been a sign of madness to believe that the earth goes round the sun; today, to believe that the past is unalterable. He might be alone in holding that believe, and if alone, then a lunatic."

- George Orwell, "1984"

I should be catching Michelin stars

2009-04-05T20:25:00.006+08:00

Look, I'm not one to gloat. In all case, admitting myself to be a humble person is no understatement in any way.

But.

I COOK DAMN BLOODY GOOD SCRAMBLED EGGS.

Light, fluffy, just well done. If it's pasta I'd say al dente.

And to think that most people don't know to appreciate the beauty of waking up on a cool Saturday morning to perfect scrambled eggs on toast, with sauteed mushrooms and grilled tomatoes.

Maybe I should really be a cook. Even Gordon Ramsay seemed to suggest.

"Every time you get a new cook in the kitchen, always ask them to make scrambled egg. And if they can make the perfect scrambled egg, you know they know how to cook properly."

- Gordon Ramsay

See how the master himself does it -

When it rains, it pours.

2009-04-05T20:18:00.005+08:00

The view from my window.

All dark and gloomy. Nine months of the year, Melbourne’s like that. Comparable to London, I guess. Though I’ve heard worse; people actually choose not to work in London specifically for that reason.

But when it shines, it’s beautiful outside with clear blue skies and vibrant greens of plants. Everything seems more vivid. Makes the nine miserable months all worth suffering through.

Perhaps life’s like that. There’re some bad days which can get really bad. And when you think it can’t get worse, it actually does. What better idea then but to slip into a cosy, tucked-away little café, order a latte, and just wait it out?

And when the good days come, bask in all its glory.

FUCKING DISGUSTING

2009-03-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

Apparently, UNMO is now distributing videos of this incident, claiming that the UMNO YOUTHS didn't touch him at all. Now let's see it for yourself what are the threats hurled at Karpal Singh right outside parliament. Nothing but a bunch of SAMSENG beruk in coats.

Speak Up

2009-03-08T21:25:00.001+08:00

A year has passed since the political tsunami, as many would like to term it. It's been interesting, to say the least.

But looking back, what part did you actually play in the scheme of things?

Did you voice out more?

Do you begin to see the way your country is run and realise that the people who run it need to buck up, and do it real quick?

Do you now realise how important your ONE vote is and how it gives YOU the power to determine your future?

"Remember, if we don't speak for ourselves, someone else is speaking for us. If we don't continue to get involved, somebody else will. In fact, somebody probably already is." - Brian Yap

Nobody said it will be easy. But let's keep on keeping on. And fight harder than ever before.

Read this.

G'day, mate!

2009-02-15T00:17:00.012+08:00

Sorry for the super cliché title, but, Hello from Melbourne!

My room. You can't see what's outside because there's a cover. And if you notice, there's also another cover inside, before there's the curtains. Works to insulate against cold in winter, against heat in summer.

It’s been a week since I have landed. And things are not as rosy as one could wish for. For one, the bushfire raged on the day I landed. Thank goodness I escaped the 46’ heat on that day. It has since cooled down though. If you didn’t know anything about this at all, perhaps you have been living under a coconut.

But ahhh… back to a well-governed country with no potholes, nipples on primetime national TV, and bloody great beer. A place so laid-back, I felt lazy the moment I landed.

But that isn’t the reason for the hiatus. In case you don’t realize, the process of hauling your ass from one country to the next isn’t that simple. First, you gotta figure out how to fit everything you’ve owned for the past 26 years of your life into a 25kg-limit luggage (that’s not even a kilo for every year). Either that, or you pay the AirAsia suckers RM20 for every overweight kilo. Now let’s not get me started on that flight.

Before all that, you gotta have the guts, or a mind insane enough to leave your job in the midst of a global economic meltdown, go to a foreign place, and start from scratch. Nothing. Zilch.
So, letter got typed, handed in after much walking to and fro in front of bosses’ room, 3 months notice got served and farewells bid. All before I could say “What the hey?!” And I was already on a flight to Melbourne. Seriously, I’m slow or what? These things always never hit me until the time I’ve landed and find myself surrounded by ang mohs. Seriously, mate.

All said and done, it’s been good. There’s a certain sense of familiarity with everything around here. Where I live in the suburbs, nothing much has changed. The same stores with the same signboards albeit slightly discoloured thanks to the harsh Australian sun, same waitress working at the same Chinese restaurant, and the same worries about the water restrictions. But the shopping’s even more amazing now. When I get my first paycheque… hmm… will let it rip.

Alright. Lazy to type somemore. See? That’s what Melbourne does to you. And that’s precisely why I love it here.

Laters.

************

An apartment building. Below it, an indoor rock climbing facility.

One opened in Chinatown, Melbourne. Dammit! Dammit!

Views at Federation Square. Yep, beer in the afternoon. How brilliant is that?

Laneway culture. Only in Melbourne. This was lunch hour, so kinda busy.

Then I walked to Docklands. The beer - smooth, sweet, golden Carlton Draught.

The view? Westgate Bridge.

Figured it was too late for coffee, so had a Hug Mug Hot Chocolat from Max Brenner's after dinner with some mates.

Sex Sells Sneakers

2008-11-29T16:54:00.002+08:00

Check this out. A new magazine is launching soon in the Philippines, and this is the sneak preview video they released on YouTube.

It's probably the oldest trick in the advertising book. Oh well, sex sells.

Aki Hoshino, famous Japanese bikini idol, endorses KiksTyo. Seen here with Dunkles and Tiff Dunks.

"Achieve new balance, thou shalt."

2008-11-25T02:17:00.002+08:00

So says Guru Cherry.

A Waste of Time

2008-11-24T20:19:00.003+08:00

"Talking to you is like a waste of time."

Perhaps it is.

I'd crack the shutters open wide, for you.

2008-11-17T22:29:00.007+08:00

It wasn't a question? Rhetoric?

Heck, who am I to answer anyway.

Therein lies the problem.

I'm guessing. Again. We're guessing. Again.

Why is it that we find it so hard to fight for what we want?

When will the line be crossed that will trigger the “defence mechanism” in us? Or “ATTACK mechanism” for crying out loud? Is there even such a line at all in us?

What will it take for us to at last have the courage to stand up for ourselves FOR ONCE, for goodness’ sake?

How can we wake up to the fact that fate has dealt its blow, and from now on we’re on your own? That no one else is going to prod you along. That no one is going to box it up, wrap it in a sweet pink ribbon, place it on your doorstep and ring your doorbell so you could please pretty please come out to collect it?

Is it a Malaysian thing to not dare speak up?

Whatever happened to the spirit of "it's now or never"?

Is it because there’s too much to risk? But isn’t your future happiness worth risking everything else for?

Or is it because if we do fight for what we want, we might just find out that we don't actually deserve it in the first place?

--------------------

In case you're wondering about the subject header:

Artist: Snow Patrol
Song: Crack the Shutters
Album: A Hundred Million Suns

You cool your bed-warm hands down on the broken radiator,
And when you lay them freezing on me, I mumble "can you wake me later?"
But I don't really want you to stop and you know it so it doesn't stop you
And run your hands from my neck to my chest

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

It's been minutes, it's been days, it's been all I will remember
Happy lost in your hair and the cold side of the pillow
Your hills and valleys are mapped by my intrepid fingers
And in a naked slumber, I dream all this again

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day
And just watch you as the rays tangle up around your face and body
I could sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute
Cuz' the daylight seems to want you just as much as I want you

A Beautiful Mess

2008-11-17T17:01:00.018+08:00

How often do you listen to songs and thought that it has put down in words what you feel? Actually, I believe that more often than not, we retrofit backwards. Make it fit our situation. Leave out certain parts of the lyrics. And keep singing.

We want the songs to speak for us. We would love to believe in the idea that someone else, somewhere else, somehow happens to know what we're feeling, and perhaps felt the same way too in order to write that song. We crave empathy. And Fate is often all too happy to oblige.

A conversation could have gone like this. And then “A Beautiful Mess” would have been your song. The song that both of you would remember forever. That is, if you got together. But then again, it’s not a song you’d want to play on your wedding day.

Her: All's fair in love and war. And messaging.

Him: So which one are we?

Her: We? Haha. I'd like to think that we're a mess of all three.

Him: Well, it's A Beautiful Mess (so sings Jason Mraz).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artist: Jason Mraz
Song: A Beautiful Mess
Album: We sing, We dance, We steal things

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh dear... what a beautiful mess this is.”

Perhaps it is, Jason. You’re right. Perhaps it is. It is the same with how the saying goes, “"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." (Shakespearean quote yo. Don’t play-play.)

It makes you feel alive. It grants you the opportunity to experience new feelings you’ve never felt before, in situations you haven’t been in.

Sure, in life we always look back and there’re lots of “could’ve been”. There will always be. What we can do at present is to try making the right decisions, and wish to minimize the risks of regret.

How? By justifying to yourself your decision. In the future you can look back and remember those reasons. And stand steadfast. Don’t crumble and fall. You had your reasons. You did what you think was right, at that specific moment. That is all that matters.

So while you might find yourself in what appears to be a mess, savour it. See the beautiful side of it. And in time to come, you might just look back, and smile.

Good friends give great eulogies.

2008-11-16T21:37:00.005+08:00

Was telling the hilarious story of the current situation I'm in to Izzie the Chirpy One (NOT Katherine Heigl) when the MSN conversation came to this:

-------------------------

Me: Now that you know all these stories about me, I want you to give a speech at my funeral when I am dead. Tell them how good a man I was.

Izzie: Sure. And I will give that bestie who got together with your first gf a punch in the face.

And smack both A & B’s heads. It’ll be the most exciting eulogy speech eveeerrr!

Me: Now that’s what I call a good friend.

Izzie: Thank you, thank you.

-------------------------

No. Thank you, Izzie. You cheer me up every time. Make the situation seem less impossible (if there's such a thing). It's amazing how we only start talking more now that we're 10,552 kilometres apart.

The next time we meet, we're talking.

Think that's it, no?

2008-11-14T18:58:00.001+08:00

No more "what ifs". Just "WHAT'S DONE".

Eloquent bear, this one.

2008-11-14T13:04:00.001+08:00

"Promise you won't forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave."

- Winnie the Pooh

That something between us

2008-11-13T23:51:00.004+08:00

You tapped on the glass. You had something to tell me. While you were suddenly distracted, I held the sides, bent down, and kissed you. Or acted as if I tried to anyway. Because between us was a piece of glass.

And YOU. FREAKED. OUT.

Like, totally.

It's so hilarious, I think I might just remember it for quite some time to come.

Buy New Proton Saga, Get Free Aquarium!

2008-11-05T00:01:00.004+08:00

Check out what I saw one morning while driving to work...

Yep, you've guessed right! That fogged up backlight is a quarter full of water. (Three quarters empty if you're a pessimist.)

I will bore you.

2008-11-01T17:28:00.001+08:00

You’re too quick. Too interesting. You always need something new. It is why so many people play cameo roles in your life. In. Out. In. Out. One minute they’re always featured. The other, they’re never mentioned again. Out of your life. Into oblivion.

A thing for Blue.

2008-10-17T01:00:00.013+08:00

It must be my favourite colour.

Ordered these about a month back, I think. It was thanks to Ah Song (a bargain-hunter much like me) who found out about the online threadless sale.

It makes these beautifully designed tees so much more affordable, even in USD, plus postage. In total, I paid RM97.

The Runnin' Rhino

The Sounds of the Sea

But then again, it was only after I ordered from her that I discovered that a few shops in BB Plaza sell the exact same designs (a rip off of threadless tees, of course). And not too bad quality as well. Price? RM27 a pop. Or three for RM70. Cheap like hell yo.

Anyway, these look good, if not a tad thin for RM97. Let’s just hope they give me more mileage than the BB Plaza ones.

Serendipity

2008-10-17T00:22:00.005+08:00

Do I harbour the secret intentions that you might stumble upon this someday?

Perhaps.

But in time to come, I will look back and it will all seem silly.

Yep. It will.

It will.

It will.

I am funny.

2008-10-17T00:14:00.001+08:00

It is really, erm… funny, that sometimes when you think you’ve cracked a good, funny joke, but it turns out not as funny as you think it was. A case of perception and reality, and the gap in between.

In the evening at work today as I approached The Next Big Thing Young Writer, she showed me a really funny picture of Darth Vader sitting on a swing, being given a push by a Stormtrooper. Not a cartoon, but a real picture of them in a regular kids’ playground.

I laughed out loud.

She then showed me a comic strip. It was about a priest complaining about having only left Father and The Son, there’s no more Holy Trinity. Why? We realize that he’s actually scolding the Ghostbusters. (Geddit?? – they captured the Holy Ghost!)

I laughed out loud.

Then I thought of combining both concepts of what she just showed me.

--------------

Me impersonating Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father.

Me impersonating a nervous Luke Skywalker: God???

Me impersonating Darth Vader: No, you idiot. The other one!

The Next Big Thing Young Writer smiles politely.

Me: What? Not funny?

The Next Big Thing Young Writer: I was being polite.

Jeremy: What?! That wasn't funny??! Are you Christian? You must be a Christian!

--------------

Sigh. A wide gap indeed.

Change is inevitable. So is the feeling it brings.

2008-10-13T19:14:00.005+08:00

I miss listening to what you’re listening to.

I miss overhearing your quips.

I miss knowing if you’re there.
Or if you’re not.

I miss the distance that was between us.

I miss the nearness of you.

Why the phrase "Green-eyed Monster"? 'Cos it can get ugly.

2008-10-12T12:26:00.008+08:00

I didn’t want to do it. At least I didn’t want to be the one to do it. But perhaps some things can’t be avoided. Out of my hands. Some things you can’t stop no matter how hard you wished.

And the moment it happened, without me even knowing, I already saw it coming. Heck, I even encouraged it.

You know how in Hollywood movies where the lead actor and actress end up together? You’ll have a side character too, the supporting actor, whose ‘thing’ with the lead actress just ‘didn’t work out’ before she ends up with the lead actor.

Well, it sure sucks to be that supporting actor. Because the film is not about you. You’re just there to help tell the story. And when your part is done, you’re not needed in the storyline anymore. You will not be featured. And the rest of the movie will be about the great, happy lives of the leads. One you can watch from the sidelines, if you can bear to.

I should stop this. Because what am I wishing for really?

Fingers crossed.

2008-10-10T18:51:00.003+08:00

All of them. For this....

But in a much bigger size, of course. Like a real brick actually.

Here's wishing I get a great birthday present. Because the Kancil Night falls on 28th November this year.

You know you’ve got a great friend when…

2008-10-10T18:44:00.003+08:00

… you can talk to each other like this.

(Note: Nothing in this SMS conversation was edited. Every spacing, repetitive word, or punctuations, etc. are entirely true to the original.)

----------------

1st GF’s Bestie: U look fucking look like jay chou. .uglier version..

Jeremy: What? Where? Cibaiz… Guess that’s some sort of compliment. Haha…

1st GF’s Bestie: Some sort only ya… I guess it’s da eyes ☺ da rest of you sucks

Jeremy: Thank you. N I hate you already. Rot in genting you! Haha…

1st GF’s Bestie: Love you la, rotting alr (kiss emotican)

Jeremy: Love you too, b*tch. ;) But I do get d jay chou comment quite often. Some say like Rain too. Haha… Oh yeah, my birthday’s coming soon. :P

1st GF’s Bestie: Morning morning dun make me puke can?when’s ur bday again? and why 4am stil not sleeping??!?

----------------

Feel the love, no?

Whee! A Crumpler Hee Goer!

2008-10-09T15:27:00.026+08:00

“It’s worth every sen. It’s worth every sen. It’s worth every sen.”

I just gotta keep telling myself that. After all, it’s not every day that you blow RM409 on a bag.

BUT.

I really do need a bag. The one I’ve gotten from Dangerfield back in Melbourne has lasted me 3 years. It has done its job. Actually, no. It has performed well beyond its line of duty. I used it to carry my laptop, which it wasn’t made for. The part where the shoulder strap is stitched unto the bag has ripped.

So it’s time to retire it. Out goes the old, in comes the new.

Introducing… the Crumpler Hee Goer!

What a beauty.

Big, noisy velcros.

Why I love it:

It’s made for my 13” Macbook.
The Dangerfield bag is just a normal messenger bag, with no specially designed laptop compartment. The Crumpler fits my Macbook snugly.

Lots of compartments. And fits my Macbook like a glove.

Safety first.
The Dangerfield bag is not padded, resulting in occasional knocks when I sling it around. And my black laptop sleeve isn’t good enough. The Crumpler is FULLY padded on all sides.

It’s gonna be a long-term relationship.
Feel the texture. Feel the thickness of the strap. You’ll know from first touch that it’s made to last. 4-5 years at least.

Back view. All-round padded, including the bottom.

Perfectly refined.
Not a stitch out of line. Seriously. So… perfect.

Stitch-perfect.

I need space. She gives me space.
I always lug around a water bottle. And a laptop charger, thumbdrives, sunnies, and occasionally some A4 notes. The Crumpler’s size is just right to fit all that in without looking like I’m carrying a dead baby in there.

I’m a brand slut.
The Monday right after I bought the Crumpler, I saw Rempit’s (Malay writer’s nickname) bag. It’s almost identical, except that his is grey, with a blue and pink logo on it. Otherwise, it’s got the SAME construction/format. It even has a detachable laptop pouch. Price? 100 plus. But if I get to choose again, I’d still go for the Crumpler. Cause… erm… the colour is nicer… and erm... there's a stupid stickman logo on it.

The Quick Buckle (think that's what it's called).
Allows you to quickly and easily adjust the length of the strap.

The very thick shoulder pad.
You don't really feel the weight with a shoulder pad like this.

COOLour
Black and Gun Metal Grey. Take that. Gun Metal. How do you beat that? Cool-ness, right? Flip up the flap, inside it’s an olive-y, yellowy and sometimes orangy colour (looks different under different lighting). Sets off the dark exterior beautifully.

The third buckle which is handy for bikers.
Secures the bag to your back without it flapping in the wind.

Seriously, it’s worth every sen. What's more, because I'm such a Cheras gangster, I got them to throw in two free Crumpler stickers. Didn't I tell you it's worth every sen?

You'll sure watch wan.

2008-10-09T12:29:00.001+08:00

It's a documentary about French electro group, Justice.

JUSTICE - A CROSS THE UNIVERSE (teaser)
by edbangerrecords

The Answer to "Did I Marry The Right Person?"

2008-09-14T13:05:00.005+08:00

We all search for answers to the great questions in life. And, whether you’d like to admit it or not, love is a prominent subject close to our hearts.

Are we ever going to find someone to love?

Are we ever going to find someone to love us back?

If I ever find someone, how will I know if he/she’s THE ONE*?

If I do marry someone, will we be together forever
ie. happily ever after?

And how do they do it, the old couples that
celebrate Golden Jubilees?

We look to friends for answers. We look to people whom we think have great wisdom. We look to Shakespeare. We look to history. We look to Grey’s Anatomy. We look to Gods.

And more often than not, we die not figuring out.

I came across this article in a blog I read somewhere. Perhaps I’ve heard the rationalizing/advice here in different forms before, but this piece was written with such great conviction, it made me believe. It answered some of my questions. See if it answers yours.

Here it is:

---------------------

Did I Marry The Right Person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love .

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always :

"God determines who walks into your life.
It is up to you to decide who you let walk away,
who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

---------------------

* I’ve always believed that “THE ONE” is just a notion churned out by Hollywood to sell their movies. It made us all believe that it actually exists. It doesn’t.

The one you’re with now? She could be “the one” if you make it to be. The point is, stop believing in that whole notion.

You’ll eventually find someone to love. And if you're lucky, perhaps that person will love you back.

Fate and destiny has already done their job. Yep, that’s all they do, really. After that, it’s all YOU. So, work it.

The perfect ONE just falls into your arms? Don’t bet your life on it.

Looking for the God Particle

2008-09-12T13:54:00.005+08:00

It’s inspiring what the greatest minds among us are trying to do.

Somewhere in Switzerland, under the unassuming miles of country fields is a tube ring 17-mile in circumference piece of scientific equipment known as the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). It costs billions of dollars and has taken years to construct.

Picture taken from: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/03/god-particle/ginter-photography.html

It serves one simple purpose, really. To shoot and crash particles of an atom at the speed of light.

When the particles crash, scientists will be able to peer into other particles that result. At any one time, there’ll be trillions. And it is among these trillions and trillions, that they hope they can find the elusive ONE and only Higgs boson. Otherwise called the God Particle.

Picture taken from: http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2008/03/god-particle/ginter-photography.html

You see, what they’re really doing is getting to the bottom of things.

We all know that we’re all just made from atoms, at the very basic. And atoms consist of neutrons, electrons, and photons (the neutral, negative, and positive fields) plus other particles. Neutrons, electrons and photons don’t weight anything.

If that’s the case, where does the mass (weight) come from?

Finding the God Particle will explain that. And it will explain how the universe got its mass, how it came into being. The beginning of everything.

Tell me that’s not interesting?

They’ve just finished constructing the LHC. But that’s just the starting line.

They don’t know if they will ever find it. All they know is that it’s there, and it will take a lot of time, effort and brains.

Not impossible, but just very difficult due to the current circumstances.

Well, I think I’ve just created a new proverb – Looking for the God Particle.

It’s for occasions when you are searching for answers to a great question. You know that the answer will explain everything. But due to current situations, it will be very, very difficult. But, not impossible.

Example of usage:-

“All the things that she said and did; were they all just jokes? She was just… playing?”

“Dude, that’s like trying to look for the God Particle, man.”

To read more about the LHC and the God Particle, click here.

Funny thing, jealousy.

2008-09-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

It grips your mind.

It eats at your heart.

It forces you to think of nothing else but that person.

Of her having a good time with someone else.

No.

Actually, having a better time with someone else compared to with you.

You screen all possibilities.

Where is he bringing her out to dinner?

What do they talk about?

Is she laughing at his jokes?

Did she laugh as hard at your jokes?

Does he like her?

Does she like him, too?

And perhaps, the question that will bug you most is…

“Are you out of the game?”

Kicks of the Day

2008-08-29T15:14:00.003+08:00

Theme of the Day: Black & Gold

New Era Black-on-Black NY Cap.
Zoo York Black & Gold Skull Tee.
Casio F-91W. Black with Gold buttons.
Black Element Hurley pants.

Finished off with the Adidas Black & Gold Superstar Mids, Velcro. (Am proud of them. Never seen another one like this around KL.)

Fatboy Slim got away with it.

2008-08-29T12:37:00.008+08:00

In advertising, there’re lots of rules that govern what can showed to the public, and what can’t. And in Malaysian advertising, there’re even more. Silly ones . Like the fact that you can’t show your armpits on TV.

And Sledgehammer (I believe Ham himself?) who did these call-to-entry TVCs brilliantly exploited and even made fun of that, topped with a little cheeky wink.

A bad rule is turned into a plus point - tougher rules make us work harder. And that means better creatives. How true. An artist can do whatever he wants and nobody can judge him or his work because there’s no yardstick.

An art director on the other hand has a brief to follow, clients to impress, products to sell. With more challenges, success becomes more elusive, yet more gratifying.

How do you push the limits without going into bad taste? How do you do it and still entertain? Will people look at your advertising and wonder, “Jeez. How the hell did they get away with this?” And perhaps, pass it to their friends and say, “Watch this. Amazing how they got away with this!”

The BPA Toe Jam - Fatboy Slim ft. David Byrne & Dizzie Rascal.
How the hell did Fatboy Slim get away with this? Brilliant.
(And I really wish I was on that shoot.)

-----------------------------

The Briefing

Fatboy Slim: I want to show lots and lots of naked women. Dancing. No. Make that stripping. For the camera.

Producer: But we can’t do that!

Fatboy Slim: We can censor. Put those little black boxes.

Producer: Ok.

Director: Oh oh! Why don’t we make them strip, dance, censor and use those black boxes as animation!

-----------------------------

Next time I write a script, I’ll start it with “We open on a young lady dancing, taking off her clothes…”

See if I can get away with it.

Surprise In Yellow & Black

2008-08-27T20:35:00.004+08:00

I came back from the john's (where I avoided the urinal that had a 7cm-long, wiry black pubie stuck onto its side) and saw this on my table.

Well, not all surprises are nasty. This put a smile on my face.

See? It’s easy to be happy if you want to. (And don’t you dare say it’s just a banana.)

---------------------------------------

*Thank you for your participation in the Banana Exchange Programme.*

When I grow up, I wanna be on MTV Asia Awards 2008.

2008-08-26T02:46:00.051+08:00

You'd have noticed -

Been wanting to write about it. But there are just too many things to remember from the event. Too many good things, actually.

Firstly, I got a MOSHPIT ticket for FREE. Not just a normal paying ticket. A MOSHPIT ticket. The kind no money can buy. Of course, you may pay me with sex in kind. But there’s a certain criteria for that - your name has to spell “Alessandra Ambrosio”.

Apparently, giving me one ticket’s not enough to be thankful for. So Hitz.fm gave me two. I got to bring another person along, and Blower was at the receiving end this time around (shit, that sounds wrong). But, ah. Time for some brotherhood bonding session to talk cock, enjoy each other’s company and just waste plenty of time. Excellent.

So August 2, 2008 came. Like school kids on an outing, we had an extremely strict schedule. Waking early on Saturday mornings isn't the joy of my life, to say the least, but we had to get our asses to KL Sentral by 11am to board the bus. No exceptions; take the bus, or don’t go. So like little school kids going to a muse-fuckin’-um, we obediently looked for our ‘leader’ to register once we reached. We had to walk in line to the bus. They just fell short of making us hold hands and stand two-by-two.

It says, "I'm Greater than Thou."

Looking at the sea of teenagers in bad, ill-matched clothes (highlights of which there were a pair of stick-thin chicks resembling Mary-Kate and Ashley), Blower and I thought we were the oldest. We look good. But yeah, we’re old. These are barely college age. Barely high school, some of them! Juvenile!

But God save the Queen.

My cousin sister arrived.

“What’re you doing here? Aren’t you like, too old for this?” ; P

“What to do. Got me some free tickets and rooms as well.” -_-

And Blower and I didn’t even know where we’ll end up after the show seeing that both of us were too lazy to bother booking a room in advance. Somehow, I know we’ll make it alright. See, that’s why it’s fun with a mate. It’s okay, chill man. Things are gonna be alright.

Sure enough, a phone call when we reached was all that was needed. Of course, it also pays to know friends in ‘high’ places. Like in Genting, for example.

Phone rings twice. Before I had the chance to say anything…

“No no no no no no! Don’t have! Don’t have! No MTV tickets.”

Ahh… the warm fuzzy feeling of having friends who’ve known you for ages. They just know it when you want something from them.

A phone call to her people, an SMS with the reference code to me, and 2 minutes later, we’ve paid at the Premier counter, got our keys and were walking to our rooms. While the thousand-odd people were still queuing. Oh, btw, Jacklyn Victor was behind us at the counter. She was actually a presenter for the night. I think we got a better star treatment.

2.30pm – We had to report ourselves at the Pavillion, sort of a briefing before we proceeded into the Red Carpet. By this time, the energy levels of the young were really showing. These kids shouted at the top of their voices whenever the camera pointed at them. Some even had LCD boards with Korean words on them. Super Junior supporters. Bleah.

We're too cool for this.

It was that cold up in Genting that day.

3pm till 4pm – Sigh. We stood for an hour to wait for the stars to start arriving. And there were so many false alarms every time these bloody kids scream. I swear I felt my back aching already from standing tiptoe, stretching my head out to catch a glimpse of nothing but the red , empty carpet.

That's how the Red Carpet area looked like.

We were all just ushered into the sides along it. Too bad if you're too short.

When you get too tired, camwhore. (Actually, I was on reporting duty.)

4pm – The stars started arriving!

VJ Denise was one of the first to arrive.
Imagine what she could do with a mouth like that.

Hottest reception for the One Republic guys.

Crowd broke out into "Apologize" and "Stop & Stare". It's buzzing!

Ryan from One Republic. (One of the 'featured' pictures.)

Panic at the Disco. Seriously, mate.
At first I didn't know who they were.
But they're extremely friendly and down-to-earth.

Sorry Tor+Saksit aka
Mr.-Favourite-Artist-Thailand-Winner for not knowing who you were.
I shoke your hand nonetheless.

6pm - Some stars were still arriving. But the Mostpitters had to make their way into the Arena of Stars already.

I tell you, life as a Moshpitter isn't easy. This was our dinner. And we had to eat it while walking to the Arena.
Nice buns, though.

The MTV Asia Awards 2008 stage set-up.

Karen Mok and Jared Leto, the hosts for the night. Karen was great fun. So happy-cheery throughout the night.

Jabbawockeez brought out the Gold.
Pussycat Dolls opened the show.

One Republic performing "Apologise".

Ah... Amanda, Amanda. The hot Electrico keyboardist.
I was the one who said 'hi' to you!

I love you guys, Electrico.
But sorry guys, performance was really quite weak.
Especially when Stephanie Sun came into the mix.
It just didn't work.

BIG Leona Lewis.
As in, a big star. Erm. Yeah.

The Script, apparently the hottest new thing from Ireland since Westlife.
Gotta be good. Or better. At least.
A breath of fresh air his voice was.
Check out "The Man Who Can't Be Moved".

And Panic at the Disco closed the show with a big supernova bang.
Silver confetti rained upon us amidst some blasting pyro. And the stage was alight with psychedelic-dressed dancers, gymnasts and Panic with "Nine in the afternoon".

10.45pm - I swear my back and legs were really gonna break by this time. The closing was a fitting end to this great, great show. Definitely not kid's play with the amount of organising that needed to be done. Heck, even just taking care of the Moshpitters needed a lot of work considering they planned our meeting point, transport, timing, and even dinner! Thank you, guys. And thanks, Dawn, if you ever read this some day.

Old uncles we were, we just retreated back to our rooms. I really needed to lie flat for a while to rest my back. And I did. For a whole 45 minutes! Talk about getting old, man.

After that, we figured we were too buggared to get sloshed. So we just supper-ed at the hidden Genting mamak. The best price for food you could get in Genting save for the staff canteen, I think.

But, you know. The best part about going to MTV Asia Awards wasn’t the show. It was a great reason for a quick getaway. It wasn’t just another vacation with the girlfriend. Or with a bunch of friends.

It’s different when it’s just you and a mate. You suddenly find yourself having time to think. To stop running for a moment, take a step back, and reflect on life. Best if you could do it with the whole city of lights before you, and sub-24'C just-nice wind.

My mind’s been messed up, undecided. Too much thinking about something keeps your emotions running like the roller coasters in Genting. And I was wishing the trip would throw me a bone, an answer perhaps.

It didn’t.

I came back tired, but refreshed. Mind sought and found clarity, but lacked judgment. Heart grew strong, but lacked courage.

Perhaps… I’ll wait a little more.

The power of a few good words

2008-08-21T19:52:00.005+08:00

Because of this, I slaved at the office till 3am. And then...

Smile Jeh-mee. :-)
Smile big big. :-D

Five words. Two smileys. At the right time. And that was all it took.

The Worst Day Ever

2008-08-21T19:47:00.003+08:00

Radio scripts due every day. Three different jobs, one client. One each day till Friday.

What? Am I really the “radio king” in the agency now?

I love writing radio, don’t get me wrong. Writing radio isn’t the problem. Writing good radio is.

It doesn’t come easy. Ideas don’t just fall from the sky. They take time. Solace. Quiet.

To ponder.

To imagine.

To crystallize.

To craft.

For you to say it isn’t good enough is fine by me. For what you did after saying that, is not.

I had respect for you. But not anymore.

Wednesday, 20 August 2008. A day to be remembered. A black mark in my days as a writer in this agency.

Shh… don’t tell the police I’ve got an F-91W.

2008-08-21T17:04:00.009+08:00

I was upset (a little) that I didn’t time my run. I only realized how important it was much later. And there I was during the race looking at these people funny, thinking that they’re just plain obsessive nuts.

It was also then that I saw a fellow runner uncle wearing a Casio F-91W. Thanks for reminding me, uncle. I’ve been wanting to get it for some time now but just haven’t gotten around to do it.

The Casio F-91W. Reminds you of the time you kissed your little cousin? You sicko.

So last Saturday when Goo and I were supposed to attend my cousin’s bday bash at Velvet, I suggested having dinner in Sg. Wang first so that I could hunt for one with the best price after that. Yeah, I’m cheap like that.

Our dinner ended at nine plus. But it's okay, I know just the shop. They have have one of the widest selection of Casio watches including some limited edition G-Shocks. And by the time we reached there, the owner was already closing.

“Ah. He’d want the business. Especially mine. My face has I-WANT-TO-BUY-SOMETHING-LIKE-RIGHT-NOW written all over it.” Thick-skinned, I just sat at the stool and started eagle-eyeing the F-91W.

I pointed to the blue one. And he took out the other colours – ones with green and another with yellow accents. OMG. Yellow. With GOLD little metal buttons. I think I pissed my pants.

Gotta learn how to use the macro mode on my phone a little better.

“45 la, leng-chai.”

I flipped over the price tag that was attached to the watch. It read “RM79.00”.

That’s it lah. Done deal.

Hey, wait a minute. There’s also the other one. The metal one. The one which I have also been eyeing for a long while. I have even tried it on a few times but somehow, I just wasn’t entirely sold on it before. I thought it was too skinny for my hands then.

Pimping it at the office.
Actually, now I think my hand is too skinny for the watch.

“Whoa. This one ar? Hard to find, man. From Japan.” He takes it out. It’s silver surface reflected the lights, teased my eyes. “So which one you want?”

I want both.

“Whoa… greedy ar. Em… This one 100 for you la.”

Again, I flipped over the price tag. It read “RM129.00”. He just wants to get this over and done with, doesn’t he? Maybe I should haggle for a bit. Just for the sake of it, ya know.

“Cannot lah. This one earn 6 ringgit. This one 10 ringgit. Somemore cheaper? Most I can give you 144 lah.”

This time, really done deal.

She said that I’m a Cheras gangster kia by the way I haggle price at the Connaught pasar malam. I must certainly be the father of all Cheras gangster kia because this time, I managed to pay ONE RINGGIT less than the already absurdly discounted price!

By the way, if you’re wondering why the subject header is written so, click here. It amazed me.

Shoes of the day

2008-08-15T18:08:00.006+08:00

Still fresh as Air Jordan 1s.

I remember that day.

I actually ran and sped all the way to BVII from Y&R in a panic during my lunch break. Only to find no one else there but me.

And then I paid 800 bucks for two pairs of shoes.

Ahh... the good ol' days when I could actually afford that. How come I keep getting poorer the longer I work?

Btw, today's jeans are waaaaay too tight after laundry. Balls are not happy at all.

I am the King of the Road

2008-08-15T16:04:00.017+08:00

I was bored.

I was searching for some excitement.

Something to challenge me. To get me out of my routine. To see if life has anything else to offer.

So the moment goo asked if I’d like to join her for a run, I obliged (I politely told her that she’s nuts the last time she asked me to join the Siemens Run).

Heck, I didn’t even know what run it was until I collected my jersey from goo. She kept telling me excitedly that the jersey’s really nice, and that it’s from Adidas. Oh-kay.

What run again?

I’m not one to torture myself (give me my can of Tiger in one hand, and the remote in another, any day).

I’m no adrenaline junkie who finds comfort and solace in group activities as their only way to reassure themselves that they’re no freaks after all.

And I don’t wanna be sucked into this exclusive group where they become more and more obsessed about running and nothing else. Much like those cybercafe twats who gather into teams and actually organise “practice sessions” with the hope of one day representing the nation to the World Cyber Games Championship.

But that’s how it is, isnt’ it?

We’re all stuck in our very own little world.

You hang out with friends who are like you. You like the same things, like doing the same things. And whatever industry you’re in, you know everything about it, and nothing much else. You don’t get exposed to the different worlds people live in right here on Earth.

If that’s the case, aren’t we like, missing out on a lot?

Looking like a pro at 6.30am.

I'm so good they gave me two numbers. 4D 1034/1043.

Post-race. Check out those eyebags.
They've been bouncing the whole 10k with me.

Endorphins overload. Great to see you, Ervie.

I did okay in the run. Sub-one hour mark for a 10km run, non-stop except at drinking stations. Not too bad for a first-timer at all.

Before the start of the race, Ervie told me with a familiar, lovable grin, “It’s all here,” pointing at her temple. Well, it explains how someone like me could do it.

I did it. Yeah. Really.

That's the title that goes after my name from now on.

I’m grateful that I got exposed to this world. The runner’s world.

Where skimpy sleeveless tees, super-short pants, and very ugly shoes are the trendiest.

Where waking at insane hours to self-torture is well worth it as long as you have a dimsum lunch after that.

Where it’s so cool and respectable to be staying healthy, especially when you’re 60.

Where conversations that take place mean so much, even without words (cause you just don’t have a breath to spare).

Where strangers cheer you on with all their hearts.

Where you cheer the one you love with all of yours.

Where you start to believe that perhaps, impossible really is nothing.

Well, I’m not that bored anymore. Count me in for the next race.

Mr. West did it again

2008-08-13T14:51:00.004+08:00

Yep, he did.

In the spirit of the Beijing Olympics, Kanye released a new video for another single, “Champion”, from his “Graduation” album (the one which trounced 50 Cent’s big time). And the video is off the hook.

For one, if you happen to be a normal hip hop superstar, you’d want the video to be all about you, ie. you in your full bling gear plastered all over at least 3:56 of the 4:00 video.

But no, Kanye’s a muppet. A bloody muppet! (think figurines and vinyl toys royalty KA-CHING after this!)

Of course, Kanye being Kanye, he’s still about Touching the Sky and being the best in the whole wide world, in fact, the whole universe.

But tell me you didn’t chuckle at any point during the video? A smile, no?

He’s like a Michel Gondry. Every new song/album/video from makes people just go “Wow”.

Is it by being ‘cool’? Is it by offering something very different from those in the game (aren’t we all sick and tired of hip hop stars swinging their hands at the camera, mumbling incoherently through their grills, surrounded by big bosomed women)? Is it by presenting something strangely familiar but yet new? Is it because he makes one wonder, how come no one else did it this way before? Is it because he... entertains?

Wait a minute. It sounds just like advertising.

Life's tough. What with the choices you need to make.

2008-08-10T17:05:00.005+08:00

So. It all comes down to this?

What happens when you play with fire?

2008-08-06T22:07:00.004+08:00

"It will become a big bonfire. And from it, will rise a phoenix.”

Sounds like a warning.

“Who is the phoenix?” I asked, curious.

“You will find out ler. I’m not telling,” as he shakes his head nonchalantly.

Eh, what nonsense!

How irritating are you?

2008-08-06T12:02:00.001+08:00

No, really.

Do people turn around whenever they see you approaching? Do people ignore your questions and only answer when you really press them to? Do you find people ‘jokingly’ tease you all the time? Do you find yourself having to beg people to go for lunch/dinner/anywhere with you? Do people talk behind your back?

Tsk tsk. Pretty mild, I’d say.

Compared to a mother whom you just wanna give a tight slap across the face not because she’s not a good mother, but because she’s just so damn irritating.

For borrowing money from loan sharks. For getting the family broke. For getting the family worried. For ruining whatever chances they have at achieving their dreams because you just squandered all their entire lives’ savings. For doing that every week or so. For promising that every time is gonna be the last time. For blaming everyone else for the pain and anguish you’ve caused.

I doubt anyone can ever be more irritating. (So you can relax for a bit there.)

Rotten flowers...

2008-08-05T02:02:00.003+08:00

They smell as sweet.

It's been a while.

Not very funny

2008-08-05T01:56:00.001+08:00

Perhaps it’s easier if I take it all as a joke. Perhaps it is.

If only it is that easy to make your heart believe the lie that your mind is telling.

What if?

2008-08-04T11:39:00.003+08:00

Along the way in life, there’ll be certain decisions that you fear making.

You fear making them because you’re not leaving it to chance. Flipping a coin is easy, but it just means that you’re being a coward who avoids responsibilities.

But when push comes to shove, you have to make the decision. You consider each side of the path that you have before you. The consequences. The effects. You consider them carefully. Because some don’t just concern you, but affect others greatly, too.

Here’s the thing. It’s dead easy to fall into complacency in life. You get comfortable.

I have an okay job with an okay salary. I don’t really have to worry about putting food on the table and every now and then, I can buy something nice for myself. I work with some nice people I’ve grown comfortable working with. I get jobs that have become easy over time because it’s what I’ve been doing for the past one and a half years. I have someone who I’ve been with for the past 2 years or so. And I have great plans to go overseas with her, with monthly deadlines to adhere to should I not want to be disallowed to re-enter that country.

And then, something pops up. Something that quashes your imagination of impossibilities and forces you to dream of a wild world of possibilities. Something that makes you pause, re-evaluate and reflect on what you’re searching for in life. Something that teases you with a big “What if?” Something that, considering the plans, came at the worst possible time ever.

So what do I do?

At the moment, let’s just say being a coward is the safest option yet.

It's been like what... forever?

2008-08-01T17:47:00.005+08:00

No one reads this blog anyways. So i guess there's no reason to apologise and no one to apologise to.

Great.

Cause that means it's time to start writing again.

So. What's new?

A lot.

That night

2006-10-06T12:54:00.000+08:00

I have to document this. It’s one of the things in life that matters so much, I’m afraid I’ll forget them. Every little detail of it. My memory's very bad. Thanks to all the after-effects of things one shouldn’t take. On that note, I’m glad to be telling my friends that it’s been more than a year since I’ve touched it.

Okay okay, if you will gather round, I have an announcement to make.

I’ve got a girlfriend now.

And that lady who’s undeservedly mine, is Ms. Irresistible. (that name itself, has a story that’s worthy of a post entirely its own)

I didn’t know it’s such a big thing. Announcing this to our friends is like announcing that we’re getting married or engaged. Maybe because it’s the fact that we’ve been dating for quite a long time. Well, to the fickle-minded and the short-attention-spanned me, 6 months back from april IS a long time. and anyone whom we tell the good news to, in turn CONGRATULATES us. And to all of youz who did, Thanks. We know you’re happy for us.

So what happened that day was we went to KLCC. I wanted us to go somewhere other than the usual 1U. I love 1U. Bakerzine’s coffee makes staying in KL a lot more bearable. Bought a St. Cinnamon’s Original, and we had coffee in Dome, overlooking the park.

Conversation. That’s what’s most important. Read it somewhere before that after all the years that you’re gonna spend together, what’s left will just be a sack of sagged skins, and conversations. So you better be able to have good ones with the one you think you want to spend the rest of your life with.

It’s crazy to be speaking like this. Scary even. But Ms. Irresistible and I have the craziest conversations peppered with humour most of the time, and on the other end of the spectrum, to discuss the more serious side of life. I’m really glad we share the same sense of humour. It allows me to laugh at things which I find funny- With her. It allows me to be able to entertain her with the silliest remarks or actions that will leave her slapping her forehead.

After dinner at KLCC, we then made a dash to 1U. Just at the snap of the fingers when we decided to catch a movie. Spontaneity. It’s good when you do get to do what you want. But in this case, we just missed the movie we wanted to catch. Ever so, we went to a café in Perdana. Among all the other things that we chatted about, somehow the issue of our ‘status’ surfaced, not that I wanted it to.

We’re holding hands. We're hugging each other. A lot. I even kiss her (pecks) sometimes on our many long goodbyes. We have the best times at dinners, movies, coffees.

But what then?

I didn’t want to bring the subject up because I didn’t want to pressure her, which I explained to her. I told her I’m not very sure what she wants out of this, and that I’m just taking it as it goes. She nodded.

And then she said that seeing the way we’re doing all the things that a couple does, that I should already know she’s beginning to really accept the idea of ‘us’. I nodded.

She added that however, her previous bfs do ask The Question, for formalities’ sake.

“The Question?” Idea struck. “How the hell do you ask that?” Then I took her hand, and acted as if I’m really going to go on my knees.

“OI OI OI!” Don’t be crazy, her facial expression says.

“Then how to ask?”

We steered off into other topics.

Then another idea struck.

“I know I know. How bout this? Will you be my laughing….stock? Erm…I mean ‘partner partner’!”

“What the hey?!”

I say the damnest things.

So the question lingers. This has to be the night that we should do it. It’s the night that’ll start another chapter of our lives- together. But the inevitable question lies unproposed, and for that moment in my mind, yet unstructured.

After that humongous glass of awful coffee at Friendster Café, we then proceeded to go home. But we’re both wide-eyed. She then brought me to a playground. Ok ok, a bit lame I know.

But we were chatting and, dancing.

Slow-dancing. Salsa as well. Well, not really. She just mentioned salsa and I flipped my arms around like I’m swaying an imaginary skirt.

“What the hey?! LOL! Then what am I supposed to do?” She clapped her hands- the guy’s role in a salsa.

Told ya so, we’re crazy together.

And just as we’re laughing our asses off, we held each other. And I popped the question again.

“I know. I know how to ask.”

“Will you…be my Boo?”

Slaps her forehead. And as we were standing atop the play castle, she wanted to bang her head against the pole at our side.

“Just because I like R&B??? But did you know that ‘Boo’ is actually a slang for ‘boy’?

Shit, my ignorance. But I’ve got a good comeback.

“Really? So if ‘boo’ means boy, then for girl, it’d be what- Goo? So, will you be my Goo?”

Slaps her forehead. And as we were standing atop the play castle, she wanted to bang her head against the pole at our side. Again.

She was still in my arms.

“So…will you?”

“Very smart now, just ‘will you?’ huh…”

“Yep, will you?”

She looked around. Makes a face as if she’s thinking about it, when we both know very well that we’ve both fallen into this thing called love. And then, she kissed me.

After some tongue-action (forgive me, I always break the most romantic moments with crudeness), I still asked, “So…will you?”

“I thought I already gave you the answer.”

So there starts the journey of a Goo and a Boo.

Jack & Jude

2006-09-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

“Jack and Jude went up the hill.”
Jack’s 5347, and Jude’s 2909. Our cars.

“But I thought you said that the dog’s name is Jack?” (the dog-shaped cushion in my car)
“No, it’s Jack II now.”

What the?!

Just a sample of the many idiotic and crazy things that we say whenever we’re out. All these just seem to always leave us both laughing in stitches.

“Is nothing sacred?” I once asked her. A question that just continues to makes us sound like a couple of hyenas.

We really do laugh at the most inappropriate of things.

Once, just last couple of weeks ago, we went for a movie. After sending her home, I didn’t feel like leaving. So I was just in the car for while, stopped in front of her house.

Man, I really wanted to hold her hands. I don’t know what that might mean. Might just be a desperate call for affection. Nothing a big hug can’t fix. But holding hands, it’s different. It means something else. That you’re up another stage. Another level of intimacy, a change of the dimension of the relationship. You hug people in the clubs. You hug your friend when he’s about to leave to another country for studies. You hug someone on her birthday. But holding hands, it’s different.

I thought, nah. I shouldn’t pressure her into anything. To have another conversation when the last one was just a weekend ago was pushing it. Besides, that was the second of the conversations that I’ve been ‘cordially’ rejected.

So just as I was about to leave, she called me, wondering what I was up to still parked in front of her house. I said I wanted to see her. So she came back out, got into the car, and we had a long night of talking and just not talking. I always believed that if you’ve got lots of things to talk about- great. But if the two of you can feel comfortable with silence- that’s Golden.

So we sat in the car. She brought in some Japanese CD that she’s listening to recently.

“What do you think is the romantic scale on this song?” I asked out of the blue.

She, always the more matter-of-fact one, said, “What the? Romantic scale? If I know what he’s singing about, then I’d be able to say.” Then she forwarded to one of the songs which she thought was very nice. And she asked, “So, what about this song then?”

“Hmm, I’d say a 7 or 8.”
Pause.
“But you know what’d make it a 10?”
Pause.
“What?”
Long pause.

I held her hands.
Pause.

Nods her head, “Ten.”

Yeah, very romantic and all. When I told my friend bout this, he said he used almost the same phrases last time. which quashed my belief that what I said was quite creative and spontaneous. I’m mere average.

The thing is, just as I was holding her right hand with my left, whispering sweet nothings to each other, she pulled an appearing magic act with her left hand (which was hidden in her jacket sleeve).

Again, spontaneity.

I immediately threw her right hand away, “Hey! That one looks better!” and grabbed the other hand.

What the hey?

That’s the first time I asked, “Is nothing sacred?” amidst the laughter.

Hmnm, guess between us, nothing really is.

tea partay

2006-08-19T15:18:00.000+08:00

funny shit. alrite, back to work now.

i stare at the screen

2006-08-09T00:23:00.001+08:00

and...?? lotsa thoughts. but i can't concentrate on a single one and then elaborate it. whatever happened to my self-improvement regime? when you come to think about it, laugh all you want at the big burly men (though how they still manage to look gay with the amount of testosterone that you think their body might be producing IS worth laughing).

come on. these people have what i lack- discipline. they have strict exercising regimes and diets they stick to like a teenager's face oil on a blazing hot day to those blue face paper, whatever you call those. tsk. teenagers nowadays. paying for that kinda paper when you can just tear a page off the tracing paper book. thats what i did. ended up using a whole book of it. and after realizing the economies of scale to that, upgraded to using the paper from the normal buku latihan. gives a literal take on the phrase- "sink your head into a book" huh. and just why did you end up becoming a writer? "i like books."

anyway, they probably go to the gym 3 times. a day. wake up at 6 for some jogging. maybe eat alfalfa for breakfast and lunch, and alfalfa with soy sauce for dinner. these people are nuts (albeit shrunken ones). still can't get past the fact that the big burly ones look damn gay. but i respect their persistance and self-discipline.

it's been bloody two months. and a lot have been happening. or nothing much have been happening. depends on how you look at it.

was going after some girl. somewhere in between, the train which thought it is trudging along just fine, is suddenly stopped by...um...the train man. the person manning the train. the train driver. yes.

i mean, the train didn't even think to confront the train man that it wants to go forward real fast. like from 60kmph suddenly to 120kmph. nothing like that, no. the train was thinking more to like,"yeah. we're cruising along just fine, me and you. let's see where the railroad takes us." but no, the train man pulled the emergency cord, brought the train to a complete stop, and told the train- "let's just be friends."

yeah. wtf right?

(how's that for metaphors?)

i mean, the train accepts the fact that the train man has control of whether to go forward or not. and some of the days, he all wrapped up and wallowed in self-pity, until one day, a friend of the train told him that, "hey, you know what? as a train, YOU have power to go your way as well!" and so, train wakes up. finds a freedom he didn't know he had. as cliche as it sounds, he did it his way.

he chose to cruise along. hey, that's a choice too right. and only with freedom can one choose. okay, the train metaphor's running dry.

the sudden realisation came with a trip to Singapore! ah, sorry. i forgot. kinda used to putting an exclamation mark to a sentence whenever "singapore" is mentioned! there we go again.

i got some free tickets to watch Coldplay (which is why i went). the trip gave me some time to reflect, which is one of the main reasons i like to travel alone. pulled me out of the shell that i'm slowly being sucked into- the everyday life. and brought some sense of adventure back into my life.

so i went. flew down to JB on an Evo VII with a friend i'm not that acquainted with. got to know him a little bit better during the 2 and half hour trip. yeah, told ya, we flew. watched the world cup final with him and a few new friends at a cafe in JB. till then, i still thought i had to walk around with my backpack until jackie finishes work at 6pm. but a new jacky (real friendly guy) i met that nite at the cafe, actually works in sgp. n he offered to let me drop off my backpack at his workplace while i happily shopped in orchard.

isn't that fun? go travel. and u meet lotsa new ppl along the way.

adventure continues. mind you, the last tme i went to singapore was i also don't know when. too long ago to remember. but i found my way to orchard rd with some basic directions after my friend dropped me off at the causeway in JB. the walkathon was then on as i'm running out of time. coldplay's at 8pm. by the time i reached sgp was already 3pm. and i had to find my way to jackie's place, on top of that had to bathe n get ready.

coldplay's on at 8pm @ singapore indoor stadium.
"do you know where that is?"
"yeah, kallang"
(convinced, i shut up.)
we took a taxi. so it was a no-brainer.

after concert,
"wanna go clarke quay?"
"if you want to."
"yeah, let's go."
"ok, I THINK we have to go to orchard road first, then change bus."

and after we board the bus, we didn't know where to stop. plan change. no more clake quay. but we saw a stretch of shophouses with FOOD. ate at a mamak which had 'Dinosaur Milo". only the crazy would drink that. jackie did. it's milo drink kow x10. n on top of that, put a sprinkle of milo POWDER. okay, i lied. it's Spoonfuls.

"so. do we know where we actually are now?"
"nope."
"great."

that's a bit of adventure for you.

so yeah. a lot of things happened. amongst other trivial things like my car now has R3 bodykit (oooo....), watching a lot of House episodes at one go, and of course, work. in some other sense, nothing much has changed. the train's still cruising. doing just fine.

the cup of life

2006-06-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

it's the World Cup. everyone's talking bout it. i refuse to.

damn, i just did.

"Melayu"

2006-06-06T10:25:00.000+08:00

For your reading pleasure, taken from jeff ooi's blog. (www.jeffooi.com)
I'm sure most of you guys would still remember Usman Awang, one of the famous Malay writers in malaysia.

Usman Awang
Melayu

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan

Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak

Melayu di Tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu,
Minangkabau memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah mua'alaf bertakrif Melayu
(Setelah disunat anunya itu)

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
Tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi

Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selaga yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu ?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka

music cube

2006-05-26T10:10:00.000+08:00

check this out. you can also create your own. there're nice little details ie. the hand cursor changes to appropriate ones when you point at the different genres!

http://radio1musicubes.co.uk/view_cube.shtml?id=22758

old-skoolnezz

2006-04-20T09:05:00.000+08:00

I haven’t been there for ages- 2 yrs in melbz, and since coming back during the CNY. That’s too long a time to not be eating the Hokkien noodles near S&M if you ask me. You see, they do the best Hokkien noodles ever- they cook it with charcoal. And with the amount of heat that they use to cook it, the chef always churns out Hokkien noodles steaming hot and with a hint of charcoal taste which makes it very very unique. And the one which I had that day still had steam rising even from the last bits that I cleaned off the plate. That’s how hot it is. Or maybe I’m just a very fast eater.

But the interesting part is as I was happily enjoying my plate of Hokkien noodles (alone, in case you’re wondering), this man who’s in his late 50s sat opposite me. I might be wrong, but I didn’t notice any waiters taking any orders from him. And after a while, they just served him a metal jug of boiling hot water, a Chinese teapot and a miniature red bucket of hot water which has two Chinese teacups in it. Like a seasoned pro, he just rotated the cups to get the hot water to clean the cups. That’s not easy to do. I remember we kept on burning our little fingers when we were kids.

He then took out a paper pack of Chinese tea from his front shirt pocket, tore it, and poured the tea into the teapot. Then the boiling hot water to fill up the teapot.

While waiting for the tea to release its flavour, he took the teacups out from the bucket, and rinsed a pair of chopsticks and soup spoon in the red bucket, cleaning them. Up till now, all that he did I’m not surprised about. But he then poured the water from the teapot unto the drain. What the?

Then I remembered. Chinese do this to sort of ‘rinse’ the tea. That is why the first ‘wash’ is always not consumed, but thrown.

Now that is old-skoolnezz.

frenzyful

2006-04-17T02:17:00.000+08:00

money. i need loads of it.
i've been having this urge to keep acquiring things since some time ago. it all started from back in melbz when i started earning quite a bit. doesn't it suck that just when u get so used to the comfortable life and then suddenly, ur in KL.

no more looking forward to shoppings on the weekends. the time when i used to wake up early just so we could have a day out shopping, punctuated by numerous coffee breaks, is now no more.

i used to always keep my fingers on the latest fashion pulse, n know where to find all the great bargains. i've always been a bargain hunter. something bout a sagittarian i guess. that's why i nvr quite bought anything full price. for the things that i want, it's too ridiculous to be paying full price.

imagine carhartt workpants which usually retail for $230 bucks, i got it for $40 at a warehouse clearance and in my size too! that's also where i picked up a carhartt camo wallet for a ridiculous $20 bucks. heck, 2 meals wld buy me a good branded wallet. what bout the $16 camo stussy belt? bet my ass that u can't find it anywhere even if u wanna pay more for it. a $30 bucks 'stucci' bag. $50 bucks G-stars, which retail for $230! TY camo bear (gosh, it's a beautiful thing i tell u.)- $10 bucks at the royal melbourne show!

my only weakness is when it comes to sneakers. premium prices that i paid i now kinda regret. heck, evybody who wants to go into the sneaker game shld all get educated first before they blindly jump in. don't always believe the hype surrounding a particular shoe. suddenly u might find everyone wearing the same pair. it pays to have some discretion to what u wanna buy. just bcos evyone's wearing dunks, dun always think that the next one will be good. a good example wld be the lunar dunks coming out. only a moron wld actually salivate over those. you can have a look at those here.

i'm in the process of buying a pair of air force 180s. u suckers will have ur necks in cast when u see it.

at the meantime, i'm looking at buying a car. myvi wld be the best choice if not for the waiting. i've also been Needing a digicam. a new laptop. either that, or an iPod. (yep, cliche materialistic person, i hear u.) but then again, my laptop's on the verge of bursting. i'm really pushing it now that it only has 4mb of memory left. so the ipod's for theextra storage. my laptop still works fine after 6 long yrs of torture. Acer is the best.

i want more. i Need more.

hand-holders will be prosecuted

2006-04-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

my friend once asked me- "how does it feel to live in such a fucked up country?"
and he is a malaysian as well.

i really don't know how to answer that. i copped out n said s'thing like "well, it's just the way it is." and then i really appreciate the fact that someday, i'll be out of here. yep, cop out.

for those not in the know, two twenty-s'thing students are now being prosecuted for allegedly inappropriate/ indecent behaviour in public. apparently, they were just holding hands in the KLCC Park when two policemen approached them. without wanting to give a bribe as they believe they did nothing wrong, the policemen gave them summons. please notice that i did not bother to hightlight or bold the bribe part, as the rest of the paragraph deserves more weight of importance.

Parisians beware, and even more affected by this issue would be those ppl in the fashion world- you can now really limit the air-kissings to just that, nothing more. ass kissing is still allowed albeit not in the literal sense.

what are the ministers' response to this? most didn't agree, n gave the reason that it will hurt the tourism industry. i say fuck u stupid ministers. i understand that it just might be a cowards way to give excuse like that without jeapordizing their image in the eyes more conservative ppl. but the greater underlying problem here that's stirring in my stomach, giving a hint of a bad diarhhea to come, is the fact that malaysians' rights are at stake here. even more disturbing is that when u look at the country, no one is bothered.

now, this issue is unconstitutional. the federal constitution (not deserving of CAPS) states that ppl are free to practise their own religion. now, not being allowed to hold hands and hug n shite is Islam's religion. and it's laws shldn't be enforced upon others. in no way that this is an offence to the religion, but the ppl who practise it shld also practise some common sense.

so what if i have a sister n i hugged her when i saw her? what if it's my mom? and what if i just to happen to hold my fren's hand who's also a guy? (i'm not gay) it's like going back in time when they enforce all these ridiculous rules. so, tourists- fuck off. don't come to malaysia. (it might appear that i have comtempt for u, but i don't. really.) there're always some other better places to spend ur moolah on. go to singapore. that'd kill the ministers to know that.

ohh...i feel that bad diarrhea coming. i know that what will follow will certainly be a whole load of SHIT.

2006-04-02T21:38:00.000+08:00

why do i blog?
i've been a lazy bum. the first post was just to take a piss at blogging when it first started to gain popularity. and i just left it at that. couldn't be bothered becos it just took too much effort.

how i see that a post can be good is when the blogger singles out something special that happened during the day and expand and write up about it. in the process, mayb there're some funny bits which sort of rewards the reader. but to me, nothing very significant happens all the time, everyday (read: no life, more on this later). don't even mention funny things, as i've never thought of myself as someone funny. (wow, now THAT is a great confession u dun hear on blogs all the time!)

which is why it's quite a tough job to really THINK and to write something. neil french, advertising great, once said that when you go for a vacation, you can't just write "went to the beach and sat" into your diary all the time,even though that's what you might be doing everyday. someday, you just have to write something interesting. and if you can make it funny, all the better.

and with that in mind, i've vowed to start blogging. for real.
someone might read this, mayb not. but i want to get myself writing. it's bcos i'm feeling quite pressured now that i've got a job as a writer of some sort. this place willl be a place to improve myself.

you know those kinda ppl who r the life of the party? thsoe kind whom when they haven't reached a party, the ppl seems to have lame conversations asking each other what they do for a living followed by a comment on the weather? those kind whom when they're there, ppl will always want to listen to what he has to say, what jokes he has to tell, what fun things they shld play? these ppl are what i'd call the nucleus.

i shall strive to be that with this blog. somewhere ppl'd enjoy reading. and to do that, in following with advertising/ marketing principles, i need to have a niche. i have yet to find that niche. mayb i shld talk more about advertising? hmm...not that i'm an expert in that. mayb food? hmm...unlike some ppl, i'm just not that enthusiastic bout food. mayb sneakers? there's already a website dedicated to that. doubt i can do better or be more updated. mayb music? politics?

it will take me some time to decide on one. for now, mayb a bit of everything. so, till then.

2005-07-18T13:18:00.000+08:00

hi you people. yes. you. you sicko. y ru reading someone's blog? what is making u so interested in someone else's life that has no relevance whatsoever to urs that u want to read all about them?

it makes u no different to some high school geek whom everyone else ignores n tries not to be seen with. the one who cracks a joke n nobody laughs, n even if they do, it's bcos they're laughing at him, not at his jokes.

n yes, he's the one when reaches puberty goes home right after classes to get online so he could visit some porn sites to which he's a paying member. the kind where he pays to watch some other high school girl go about her daily life in front of the webcam. VOYEURISM.

so while you're reading all these, you're one of those people.

well, SHOO! go away. stop reading. go find some other more interesting people with more interesting things to say about themselves. (mayb a high school girl who has a webcam)
but then again, there aren't that many in the world, are there?

these people who just go on n on about every little petty details in their life. "oh, took my dog for a grooming session today." "oh, cut my fingernails today. cut the pinky finernail a tiny bit too deep."

like blogging is just a public diary to record down everything they did for the day. who gives a f**k really?

alrite, enuff of ironic ranting. just taking a piss.

oh, btw, i cut my fingernails today.